Ever Have A Gut Feeling...

I have this feeling I will "fall" into the publishing industry. As to what form, I don't know, but I will be in publishing.

Don't Trip

I've been kinda on a road with a lot of speed bumps this week. It's been most annoying, as I seem to not be able to get certain steps in order. I completely forgot my car tax was due today and to my embarrassment realized it needed to be done today before any late penalties can be added. So I realize I can pay it today, and add this to yet another round of things that have messed with my head.

Today though, I've come to work with a smile. I''m not mad, I'm not irritated. I feel better than I did earlier. Now I'm left to wonder what has got me feeling so good. Did I mention I'm alittle tired, and I want some chocolate? Cause I do.

Deal With It!

I realized that I am so off the track in my thinking that I decided to write something with an absurd point. Something about trying to not be so deep and introspective makes me happy. I like being silly. Can't deal. I feel for you. Not really.

A Thicker Hide To Kiss

I’ve come to the conclusion, that me writing can be very vulnerable. When I break it down, with my true writings, thoughts/concepts, I feel naked, embarrassed, and ashamed. I feel a whole lot dirty, guilty, and my thoughts, they sometimes excite and frighten me. The endless possibilities and concepts that lay hidden in my head stay untold because I keep holding back.

As an artist, I have to open up to release my inhibitions so that I may express my ideas with confidence and clarity. I must stop worrying about what people may or may not think.

How can I know what’s on everyone’s mind? How can everyone’s thoughts be so important to me? I don’t know everyone, and I don’t always agree with the people I know. What makes me fear my own thoughts?

True writing for me is me writing with no audience in mind. It’s all about me getting my thoughts out on paper. Release the muse. Be free of all that constrains me.

I ask these questions, because I feel the next step is to take that leap of faith.

I suppose I don’t want to be labeled as something or someone who may or may not be deviant. I don’t want to be that freak that people thumb their nose at. I can’t stand people passing judgment. I don’t want to be hated, or so loved I’m precious as glass. I don’t want to be feared or misunderstood. Mind you, it happens all the time in my life.

So I need a thicker hide for those to kiss who have something negative to say.

Because a Conversation with Cuttermike is Awesome! Part 3

Cuttermike's response (AKA the good stuff):

Just reminding you of what you already knew.

Back when I was in art school, I had a special projects "class" where I would work on stuff for a week or two and then bring it in in a batch for a one-on-one with one of the professors.

Usually, my drawings tend to be very tight, with a very wiry sort of line, but there was this one down near the bottom of the stack where I had just been playing around. I only included it, really, because I liked it BECAUSE it was so different (and because I didn't feel that I had a tall-enough stack to justify the past couple of weeks).

So the prof gets to the bottom of the stack and says, "Now THIS is what I've been talking about for the past two years! This is what I've been waiting to see, when you just let it all go! I KNEW you could do it and you never did! Why? Were you afraid of failing?"

And without thinking about it I just exploded:

"NO!!! I am NOT afraid of failure!! I'm afraid of SUCCESS, because if you can do it ONCE people expect you to be able to DO IT ALL THE TIME AND I DON"T NEED THAT KIND OF PRESSURE and I need to go away somewhere right now and think about what I just said."

So, yeah, boyo; been there, done that...

Because a Conversation with Cuttermike is Awesome! Part 2

My Response:

You're absolutely right. I knew it, and I don't often see it when I really need to.

I've been told that I have a comedy routine that should be on stage as well. I tell people I have huge stage fright, because I know that's how all the jokes will lose their potency. I am too self-conscious. My writing tends to go the same way (stage fright), except the poetry. Poetry tends to flow for me.

The only reason I am funny is I don't think about being funny, or having fun. I do love being silly, and having people laugh.

I should evaluate all my writings (blog as well).

P.S. Thanks. BTW.

Because a Conversation with Cuttermike is Awesome! Part 1

And for those who don't know who heystacy is, you need a kick in your ass.

Hey, Heystacy (stacy... is there an echo in here...?) -

Just a thought, FWIW.

I know that when I'm doodling or cartooning, or even when I'm doing stuff for my job -- where I make an effort to do my best, but in which I'm not emotionally invested... my sense of self isn't on the line -- that my work is looser and more "alive" than when I'm trying to do "Art".

When I try to do my "real" stuff, I have a tendency to stiffen up and have to force myself not to force it, if you know what I mean.

You have, I think, said that you're looser when writing your YABS stuff than when you're writing your "real" stuff. Is it possible that the reviewing committee saw the stiffness and that THAT's where the problem was?

This Sucks So Bad For Me

I DIDN’T get accepted into the dramatic writing MFA program. Yes, booooo. Yes, Damn it! I get the full details of my rejection on Monday. UGH!

I feel embarrassed because I put a lot of time in my craft. I solicited a LOT of help and opinions to sharpen my portfolio. People keep asking me to let them know the results. Now I have to tell them, I failed. I’m really, really embarrassed. My pride is all in my way. I need a moment to quiet my ego.

At this point I ask myself, what does this mean? Was it NOT meant to be? Perhaps I can dust off my scripts and submit again now that I have got myself a great book on screenwriting, AND I am still passionate about screenwriting as well as using the new techniques I’ve learned.

Do I really need an MFA to write scripts? On a side note I just read, in “Crafty TV Writing,” the people with the MFA’s are the assistants to the writers of scripts, not the writers themselves. The timing of that line was perfect. LOL It cushioned the blow I felt.

BTW I will still have a professional writing MFA once I’m done with graduate school. I never give up. With or without a degree I will be scripting for film, television, and comics.

P.S. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice. I really value your opinions, and it means a lot that you helped me or if you read my spoofs and were entertained.

Reading Break

I'm halfway through my book, Crafty TV Writing. I'm very compulsive about finishing it. Made it to the halfway mark. I need to pause, breathe, get something to eat.

I rarely enjoy reading books these days which is ironic for a circulation assistant/grad student, but the book itself is like having a class that's well worth the time and energy spent. All for $16.00! Best class evah!!!!!

I've been reading at work, between class breaks, and at my apartment. People have been telling me, "that's an intense class you're taking." I'm flattered. Sincerely flattered, but I'm the intense one.

The author has a book on screen writing called Crafty Screenwriting for motion pictures I so want to devour! I will hold off as I want to apply what I have learned to my TV scripts and make them work.

I have a couple of short films that could use the tweaking process from this book as well.

When U Gotta Go

All I have to say is that I left class and was in my car heading home. It seemed like the universe was closing doors on me people. Why did people have to take both lanes, and lock them? Why once the lance opened, the person that is in front of you drags their ass like there is lead in the back of their car? Why was everyone "lost" like they were tourists (with Georgia tags no less)? bastards. I was feeling very vulnerable and sad. Thank god this situation is over.

Proactive 2008

Dear Readers,

Please remember that this is 2008 and we will not wait for people to hand us things. In spite of our obstacles, we will reach for what we want and gain our goals. We are proactive, and we do not wait for things to "happen." I can't let you or myself forget this message because I hope to see us all be successful.

Unleash the Freak!

Writing recipe I follow:

1. Write (or type) it out.
2. Don't pause to think about it.
3. Keep that pen moving/fingers typing.
4. Why are you editing as you go?
5. Kill the angel in the room (thanks Shisho).
6. Let it cool off for a while, or serve it as is: Unleash the freak!

I'm Better Off the Cuff

What I have learned is that if I tell a story, and do not worry about how it looks or be so self-conscious and edit it over and over, is that I have a very funny/entertaining story. For those who know me, they often tell me I need to hit up a comedy night. Very much I am truly the joker in the deck. Not the "Batman" Joker character. I am that wild card you see played and trumps many hands. I suppose in effect I am a trickster, like my girl Shisho.

This may be why my disdain and spoofs are so funny. I don't think too hard on them, i simply do them. It's like having the force, and not missing a beat. If I thought about it, then I would miss the beat. For those who don't know a Star Wars reference, there is no hope left for you. A New Hope is a DVD store away.

Make It Work!

I stole Tim Gunn's words and made them my own. Hopped up on latte and sweet tea. Yeah, I for sure know better. it's wrong to tempt fate, but I know I wanted to. Gotta behave for the next few days or I'm gonna be all busted like a fiend. Life is smooth with me feeling a little discombobulated.

Got myself hooked back on Animal Crossing Wide World (Nintendo DS). For the uninitiated, its mix of cute and innovation has me on lock like a girlfriend afraid to have her man out of her sight. Where you at, who you with, who did you call?

Mike Tyson as the Sandman?

I feel like our Sandman has given the reigns over to Tyson, because it feels like I just got a hit worse than in Mike Tyson Punch Out. I just want to lie on the floor and sleep. Couldn't not the Sandman have started with Piston Honda first? Right now I feel a cat could knock me down, and drag me all over the places.

Ideas

In order to beat this funk that has taken over my days, I decided I will write about it. It may never be published or produced, but it will be written. I feel I'm holding onto it in spite of my desire to be done with it all. My mind is telling me to write about it. So I say to my thoughts, be prepare to be set free.

I did have a great time yesterday visiting the painting studio. How I miss painting on a regular basis. One step at a time I guess.

I had this weird, yet exciting dream that I still lived in Charleston, and I was about to move to Savannah to start my MFA program. I felt so thrilled and happy. I was nervous. I woke up smiling. I hadn't felt that good in a while. Perhaps its a rebirth of sorts. A change in where I am, and who I am.

Portfolio Progress

The first step was to complete it, so now I have it all together: Scripts, change of major form (signed btw), statement of purpose. Step two was to assemble it proper. Step three, which I did this morning, was to submit the portfolio to the graduate office. Portfolio reviews take place next week, so I hope to have some good news to share then.

Considering the craptacular week I’ve been having, I am glad I have a project I am very pleased to say is completed. People have been asking me about it, so they are buzzed, as I am.

So lets hope I make the cut.