Write Again

Well, while working on the issues of the six issues, I thought about starting the second series, well, I began writing another story. It was nice to focus on something that wasn't my main story. honestly, it made me feel good. Its all handwritten, so when I get the time (most likey Saturday), I promise to type at least four pages.

I have a new rule, and that is to at least do four pages of script per day. With two seperate stories that's eight stories, and if I tweak the first series that's twelve. Of course the novel is a paragraph at a time. I find it better to handwrite the ideas and then collect them into a story.

I slacked off from this post to jot down some descriptions. I am pleased that I have found some time to work on writing.

To be honest, I have been worrying about paying my bills this month, in a timely manner. its been bothering me so bad, its been distracting. Well, I made some concrete plans to pay them. this means totally holding off on any "me" spending. This only makes it more imperative that I keep writing and getting these stories out to publishers. At the very least it may get me a little more money along the way.

No more worries tonight. The plans are in the works, and I need to trust my own actions.

Pasta Anyone?

I still have a lot of pasta in the house. It tastes good, but I know I should have added more seasoning. It could have a more richer, dynamic taste. It doesn't matter. Some of it is heading towards the freezer.

I need to get a hair cut, and make myself look good. LOL I look a little rugged and rough. Can't be going out like that. I will soon change that, and feel good about it too.
A car wash would be nice for the car as well.

Breathe

I need to breathe, relax as I take in some air, the exhale, release all my tensions. Take in the peace and calmness. let my mind roam away from all of my woes, my works, my creations. I need to feel a level of deep satisfaction that can't be found, in the pages of my writing, or in a book. Nothing found on tv, no song, no word. Its all within me. Its up to me to bring it all out.

I Don't Feel Like Wrting (Yeah, Right)

I don't feel like writing today. I get that way, sometimes, but it doesn't matter. I'm writing anyways. Last night at work went fine. Students are getting desperate foir research material, but I am afraid that putting things off until the last moment means you're not going to get the material you want. Fortunately no one was out of hand. I did go to Stabucks, but ordered a hot chocolate instead of a latte. It hit the spot. I like that.

Irorned my clothes for today, and made a sandwich. I'm having leftover pasta for dinner tonight. I think I made too much pasta. I better put some in the freezer so I can eat later.
I'd rather it not be spoiled.

In My Galaxy

Worked on my proposal last night. I have to say I loved and debated this challenge for some time now. Its harder to write what the story is about than it is to write the story.
Fortunately, I decided to sit down and write and that is where I came up with the words, by making myself write. I have all the grammatical errors out of the script, and that is ready to go. I have to work on the cast list proper, and cleaning up the proposal. I am grateful for the opportunity to finish what I started.

Afterwards I have the novel to keep working on, and a new mini series I'd like start start typing (I hand wrote a starting chunk of it). I have a few other ideas I'd love to give a spin, but these two are the next brightest stars in my galaxy.

What I Want To Change

What I want to change most in my life is the level of control I have (vs what I think I have). I want to affect my environment vs being affected by my environment. I don't want to see myself and be confidant, bold, and an influence to others. I want to be empowered and maintain this power for the rest of my life.

Now, the questions to my self is, how will I empower myself to make these changes?
I want to take NO PRISONERS!

Faults and All

Copied this post from my own posting at YABS.

There are more questions than answers, but this is what I learned form the podcast earlier.

Accept where we are right now. Accept what is going on in our lives before we move forward.

Take responibility for ourselves. Once we take responsibility no one or no thing can be responsible for how we feel and react in life.

The next step is to accept yourself, faults and all. Whoo. Trying to wrap my head around it all. I didn't expect an easy answer, but I didn't expect to fry my brain either. Yep, I need to draw something, get my mind off of me. This sounds so out of body.

All I can say is that trying to start looking at meditation and enlightenement as a signifigant tool in life, and I find that I am very much an uncarved block of wood. I don't know if I can even go the distance. How does one Rise above it all? How do I accept myself on all levels to move onto the next step? I have more questions than answers. Well, there is some meditation I need to do, perhaps later on this night.

Where's Brunch?

I need to go to eat. I am so hungry. I'll eat after I finish the paragraph for the novel. One paragraph at a time. Its harder than it looks, but so worth it. Trying to mellow out more, to relax. I have a clear picture in my head. Let's see if I can put it on paper.

Tried to sleep late, but a new neighbor is here, and had the loud music going. In faact all I heard was lod music ALL WEEKEND. Why? I can take an hour, but from 4:30 PM to 10:58 PM? Torture. Called the apt manager, as I would in this instance. Drama.

Title Hunter

Writing a six part story has led me to tweaking the story and making all of the elements are in place, as I roll out for the proposal phase of writng. Lo, and behold I have one great flaw, story title. Intially, the titles (which were tentative) didn't fit the stories anymore. What did that mean, I had to come up with new ones. Yeah this all seems simple right.

Maybe if I had a month away from the material, I would feel better and more confidant about the names. I, however, found the perfect titles for each chapters. It took some doing, but I feel with the right title, the story has weight, and dimention. otherwise I would have to give them generic titles, like Chapter One, Chapter Two, etc.

I am glad to have gone through all of this. Now I must move onto the proposal. Cari and I bounced some ideas off of each other, and I am very happy with the ideas. So, its a good development day for all. :-)

Positivity

I copied this from a post I wrote at Trina's forum.

Ever notice, that while in the middle of a crisis, you can't see your way through, but you make it through anyways?

Its a different location, and a different situation, but I realized today that I have always toughed out whatever came my way. It put a spin on my worrying. Everything will work itself out.

Life has all these teachings it gives. I believe in love, God, and positive attitudes. I am seeing I need to put fourth extra efforts in establishing authority, responsibility, and maturity.

Work To Do

Printed out some of the ideas and paragraphs I have for stories. It was worth it, as I can now look them over. I need to get the rest of the proposal done, as I am a little tired of working on it. If I sit down tonight and hammer out the detains I can have all of it done. What I would like to do is give cari an official copy so she can read it over the break, and get back to me with the pros and con's of the story revisions, and any additional thoughts.

It will give me time to dive into another project. I have yet to read what i printed for the novel. Call me scary. last night I was all chicken. I do need to distract myself. maybe listening to a movie or watching tv will allow my mind to move away from my writing, and allow me a moment to have fresh eyes towards it, which is what I do want.

Reflections

I am trying to chill and enjoy the day. Was listening to a meditation podcast. I am trying to calm myself, and working my way through some stress. All the while maitianing my creativity. I am trying to keep myself from feeling down when I'm off. The podcast was cool, as it instructed listeners to accept themselves on the whole. Acceptance is the first step to transcending all woes.

Last night burned the midnight oil with trying to write a one page synopsis for all six chapters of the comic book. It doesn't fit one page. LOL That's what editing is for though. Got some feedback from my bro on the proposal direction. I love asking him questions, because he knows what he likes and doesn't and will say so. Big shot out to Martin for helping me. My home girl, and all around superwoman Jackie helped me out also. She knows what she likes and dislikes. Her assessments were more technical. I get mileage from that.

Typed out a page for my novelafter placing all my handwritten notes together. I don't know what to make of it yet. Maybe if I leave it alone until tomorrow, print it out and read it, and I will have more clarity. It makes me nervous and excited. Again, stepping into new territory. I will handwrite some more ideas down.

Writing Again

Started writing my novel again. I have a new rue in place; One page at a time. I may do one paragraph at a time. I am trying to lay my words down with some care and poetry. I am sure it will build into a full fledge story soon. I confess both nervousness and excitement for this process, but I am sure I will have something worthwhile to speak of.

Possessed

You cling so tight to me
You make my eyes water with dread,
As you stare at me
With your cold, cold unfulfilled eyes
You say nothing
I keep wondering
What do you really want?
What do you really need?
Am I to be bled dry?
So that you may be satisfied?
Little by little you take a part of my being,
Trying to get to my soul
You’ll take everything from me, until you have taken me all.
You will have taken over me.
Tell me, will you discard me if you are not filled?
Or will you rebuild me with your own designs in mind.
Build as you will, discard the less desired.
Does not my pain count?
When I no longer begin as me, but end with you, where are we?

I Don’t Do

I don’t do no bus
I walks my own damn path down the streets

Don’t go nowhere
Don’t want for no place
Neverumind that noplace feels like home

When it rains, it don’t matter
Water gets under my ratty umbrella just the same

I don’t do no skates-inline or out
If I want to roll on I do

Don’t do no good meal
I eat with my fingers
Nobody knife and forks a Snickers bar,
Or a can of string beans-no heat, no salt nor pepper

Don’t do no love
I only know her.
We don’t kiss
We don’t do no passion
We meet day and night on a dirty mattress
We don’t do no laundry
In a hole in the wall to crawl into.

Don’t do no uplifting
Just get my spot and sleep
We don’t got power,
We don’t got water.

Ain’t got no song to sing
No melody nor
Some sunshine for a guy who don’t do.

Don’t do no song
What’s to sing for?
Song don’t have no feelings
I go numb, body head and soul numb
Dumb to the world.

The Natives Are Restless...

The natives are restless as the jungle stirred with chaos. Leaves rustled in the sparce wind as they circled a fire dancing and singing songs of carefree fancy.

The cowardly lion has growled and whimpered as he choked on his own spit along the way to clumsily rattle the roost.

How does one take the jungle serious, when the predators have no claw or tooth to slash and bite? No ferocious eyes, nor snarl and speed on sinews so taut and raw.

Prey neither stands still in fear, or run for safety. The night is filled with song and joy.

Don't Forget To Add Salt and Pepper

I was remembering a time when I was cooking and my Mom came by and said, "don't foget to add some salt and pepper." I found that odd, since she knows that's what I do. Then one day her sister, my aunt, came by when I was making pork chops and said, "don't foget to season the meat." OK, once was enough, but when people start thinking you don't have the sense to season for taste then there's a problem. I told them both that the comments were well-intention, but insulting. They say they don't mean anything by it, but I was like naw, don't go there. If their Mom said that to them both would be insulted. That is a true fact. Granny can be crititcal of her kids when she was ready.

Called my mom the other day and I told her I was cooking, and she asked me if I seasoned my food, added onions, etc. I'm like Mom please. I cooked at home, for you you know I love my seasonings. She couldn't hep herself. Parents. You gotta love them even when they mean well, but don't trust your taste buds. LOL

Wake Up Mr. H.

Daylight savings time is messing with my internal clock. I got up early today, the moment I sat up and started thinking on what next to do, I got sleepy. I think this means I need to relax some, and I will be fine. Need to make me something to eat. I'm thining bacon and eggs. I'll relax then fix a meal. I need a glass of water too.

Chapter Six Is Done!

The revisons are at an end. the second drafts for all my chapters are completed. I am so glad to be done at this moment. Now I have to leave the story alone for a while, work on other aspects of my project (the proposal, the full cast list, etc.). I want to check the story proper for grammatical erros, but that will come a litlle later. its time to get my mind off this project and onto other stories.

I am happy I compelted what I started. I have abandoned projects and themes in the past, but I kept this ship alfloat, and rode it through. I am very confidant in the material, and I will glady submit this material to publishers. Cari is going to be so busy with drawing. I am very excited and ready to see her interpretaions of the characters and scenes.

Risk Taking

I wonder sometimes what would happen if I broke out of my comfort zone. That is to say try new clothes, new songs, new stories to read, and ways I approach topics. I broke my posting limits for blogging, and am heading towards a more productive phase. I'm taking it as an evolution in my life.

I want to see myself looking like a pro with projects to push and stories to seel and tell. I want to see me back in visual art. I am so retriving my drawing board, and pastels. I need to make a living past the life I have have. I need to see a future where I am surrounded by high success, and not crums. Ok I have moved into the working class, and now feel a need to exceed those bonds.

I want to seem my subjects expand, and me not treat my writing and art so damn fragile. I want to be confidant in the moves I make, and less worried about appearences. Sometimes you have to let go of everything, and today is that moment where I look in the mirro and say "I'm better than this shit." I've done it, worked it, paid some dues, and need to build a better man from the ground up.

I need to take some chances on myself. Reinforce my independence with passion for living and creating. Otherwise, in another year I will posting wishing I had zigged, zagged, and did the straight and narrow.