Catwoman II

Here are two more varying pics of the lovely catwoman. I kept the texture and altered the colors. i played with these pix more than id di watching tv last night. I need to go write something in the fiction area, or I will have done what i always do, and that is procrastinate so bad. LOL I was never able to appretiate my art, and now I have a chance to. I should have done ten picks of Catwoman, then i may have had something more to work with. Well, its never too late. I will go update the songs on my iPod, and get to writing fiction, or at least compiling my work like I said.

Catwoman (Post Fifty For the Month)

I return to my theme of cats by positing this painting I did long ago. It hangs in my bedroom. It was done in watercolors. I took it through Photoshop and played with the image some.

I added some textures to it, and lightened the image, since the pix came out darker, which was no surprise.

More Than Another Day

I decided to finally take myself to the DMV and get myself a valid GA driver's licence, as opposed to the SC one I currently have. I checked online, and what it stated was I needed my current DL, and proof of residency, which is a utility bill or a pay stub. No big whoop, right? Wrong. I also needed my birth certificate or a passport. I didn't know that until I had to get in that damn line. I was pissed. OMG Why wasn't it on the website? Did I overlook it? Just what the hell is going on? All I wanted to do is switch over to GA and now there is an extra step involved. I am so done with this for today.

Today I don't want to write any fiction. Just like yesterday when I didn't feel like blogging. Well, when is it going to get done, and who the hell is going to do it? Sometimes I am too spoiled, and put off all the things I need to do because I don't have to. However, sometimes it pays to do all the things you don't have to do, but it would pay off one thousand times to do it before its necessary.

This is my last day of vacation, and I hoping to enjoy it. I enjoy writing more right? The get to work buzz is coming on. Even if I handwrite the work I will be satisfied. I believe I will be compiling the notes I wrote out a few days ago. Tomorrow will be back into the hustle and bustle of the break time at work. The end of the quarter is always this dry affair where I am ready to get back to my regular routine. See, writing brings me a sense of balance. i don't appreciate it sometimes until I am unable to do it on a regular basis.

What I "Feel"

All of a sudden, I don't "feel" like writing. I want to be lazy and loaf about. I hung up more artwork from home, in my place. My Mom got me this cool plant that now sits in my living room. The plat itself gives weight to the area, as I have someting beside the flooor to anchor my interests. I placed many paintings in the living room, and in the bedroom. Its nice to see something besides white walls when I get up in the morning. Now I have varying sized images to greet me. Its so beautiful, and rewarding to add dimention to my place. At last my pad is my pad, and has some persona touched I feel are completely me. That's positive energy you can't buy. A piece of mind is always worthwhile.

I have a vision of a table to go at the front of my LR, some shelves, and a couch. I am praying that I will be blessed with the opportunity to purchase it. This reminds me of when I first started college. I had the total bare minimum: three pairs of jeans, a few shirst, worn out shoes, and I had to beg my father to get me a bus card. How times have changed for the better. They will keep getting better bcause I cannot give up on myslef.

I wonder how productive I would have written if I did "feel" like writing? What can I say, I go through these moods, then work them out. "Feel" is subjective and means I am procrastinating. Its not like I can't get milage out of writing. I may not feel "inspired," but i do have the skills to take action. Nobdoy says the writing has to be good from jump, and it is nice to see something besides a blank screen.

11/27/06 Please, No High School Reunion!

There is a reason I do not want to have a high school reunion. Mind you, I love my return to Charleston, and I have a restored sense of balance that I was missing. The family have healing powers. It goes without saying that I feel the love. Everything will be fine in the world when you have your support system in place.

Well, while going to the bank to get myself a roll of quarters for my return to Savannah, GA, I meet someone who recognizes me (without my glasses too). He’s someone I’ve known of since elementary school. He hinted he spent six years in jail, and he was low on money, and asked me if I had some to spare. I didn’t have any money to spare. Anyways I had the impression he was strung out and looking for another way to get a hit. I knew he was desperate, as he hadn’t seen me in what, 16-18 years? C’mon, we were never friends in school. We just knew each other.

Needless to say I have met like maybe 10 people from HS and those exchanges were great. Some the other people from HS I hear about are junkies or in jail. Somehow my square world seems so round in a naïve, “drugs are for losers/just say ‘no’” way.

11/27/06 The People In Our Lives

I thought it would be another day, as I spend some quality time with my family. I thought about going home a little earlier, as to get all my home affairs in order. Gotta TCB 24/7. I did manage to get a handle on a couple of outstanding situations, which has me praising the Lord. I can’t live with the sense that things are getting under my skin. I prayed for a way to handle my issues, and I got what I asked for.

Had lunch with my good friend Z today. It was good to see her. She looks fantastic! She is usually busy, so I am glad we got that moment. I wish we could hang out more, but we live in two different states. The commute would be some mad wear and tear. Its still great to connect.

Took a brief look in a bookstore, but I didn’t buy a thing. No money anyways for new things. I do enjoy browsing sometimes. I pray for me to master my finances, and become more proactive in my life. It’s going to take some time, but I am positive prayer and meditation will help me become a better man.

11/26/06 One Art

I visited my bro’s place as I finally got to see his apartment. It looks so good! Decided that after typing a total of six and a quarter of pages, it was time to try a script version of the story. As per my own rules, I only needed to do four pages at a set time. I ended up doing five pages, and may go onto seven pages provided my muse will carry me further. I still have info from the prose to script out.

I have a dinner date with a friend. We’ve been planning a day to get together. I think I will go home on Tuesday, as its time to get back into my place.

I have been very happy to see my family and hang out with them. My bro did get his Christmas tree. It was nice. I thought about a Christmas tree for my place, but unless I draw it, it ain’t happening. Not a bad idea either.

Speaking of drawing, I will be taking several pieces of my art home with me, and they will decorate my walls. ☺ Initially they sat in portfolios in Mom’s garage. It was time to liberate them. My artwork has a certain amount of power and energy, and I need them to strengthen me.

I hadn’t seen my own art in a while. I looked several images over several times. The monotypes were arresting to me. I will post the images once I get take some pictures. Perhaps if its sunny outside. I missed drawing and painting. Thankfully I have supplies and don’t have to purchase them. They will give me some peace of mind when I start drawing again, as opposed to doodling over everything.

I will, in the future, start to use watercolors again.

My song of the night is “Game” by Ayumi Hamsaki. I am so on the J-Pop kick. I love it so.

11//25/06 Hello Charleston

I decided that I would not be on the internet for a few days, as I am on vacation, but that’s no excuse to not write, right? Well, I arrived at Mom’s house. I am so happy to see her. Guess what, she was knocked out asleep. She was tired from work. Mom’s a hard worker. My older brother was around so we talked for a while. My younger bro was somewhere, so I left a message for him.

Mom makes the best meals, so I have a marvelous time eating it too. How I missed her cooking. ☺

Visited my Grandmother today. She loves to tell me my “face is so fat.” She doesn’t know how nobody wants to hear anyone tell him or her that they are fat. My Mother often says to ignore her comments. I usually do.

Called a couple of people I hadn’t talked to in a while, so it was nice to speak to them. They were busy, as usual. It is that time of year where people are trying to handle their holiday business.

My bro says he’s doing a Christmas tree. I can’t afford that this year. It’s all about the bills, and I am going to get them paid. I get so stressed sometimes. I am praying I get it all under control.

I will, however, get into the Christmas spirit, which means surrounding myself with positive energy and people. Well wishes to all, even to the people trying to stress me. A moment of goodness may give them some happiness. Peace and love can circle the Earth. I am thankful for the positive vibes and choices available to me.

I am off to write a new short story. I can get three typed pages within the hour if I try hard enough.

***UPDATE*** I ended up writing 5 & a quarter pages. I hope to do some more tomorrow. I need to get up and stretch.

Listening to “Secret Sorrow” by Kohei Koizumi. The lyrics are in Japanese, but you can tell by the music that the song has a lot of emotion. Its very beautiful. I never bothered to find a translation of the lyrics, but it doesn’t really need to be translated. I feel the impact without them.

Ayumi Hamasaki - STEP You

I like this video. I have fallen into j-pop music, which is not bad. It's time to share. :-)

Happy Holiday

I'm wishing a Happy Holiday to everyone. Hopefully all will have a time of peace and fulfilment. Perhaps a chnace to catch up with family and friends. Even a day off from work can be stress free and beautiful. I pray for those who do not have these moments, and may have them soon. Everybody please be safe. I know its the holidays, and it can get hectic on the roads. There are some who know how to grinch a good time.

365

I have reached my 365th Post this month! Do you know what this means? I have averaged a post per day at this point! This has been a good exersise in writing, and I hope to maintin the stammina I have demonstrated.

It was a late start today. Intially I woke up early, called the payroll office to make sure my timesheets were faxed proper. Once I heard that they were, I went back to sleep. I thought I could roll out of be at like 1:00 PM, but it was 1:50! LOL if I was working today (which I am not) I would have so little time for myself. Sometimes I need to rest and relax, and then get ready for the trek to the job.

Well, I can stop posting now. I have done my duties as a blogger. Somehow I don't think I will stop blogging. I do reserve the right to have some holiday time and be away from the computer. I have given a year's worth of entries.

Wrote down some ideas for stories that I want to follow up on. I also have a short story to start, cause a good writer keepps writng be it pent to paper on my laptop. I'd write with crayon if I have to. I need to keep writing. Thank God for great days.

Changes In the Wind

Hadn't seen the peeps in a while and I am a bit nervous. Its been a year of me being independant. I cherish my freedoms and love the direction I am heading towards. It ain't always easy, but I love my life. I keep wondering. What's changed in the family, besides my missing dynamics. Have people changed drasticly, or minimally? Will I like the changes? Will they like the changes in me?

Busy Day Baby!!!

Oh my goodness it was book return day, and all I have to say is it hurt so much, then it tapered off to a trickle where things got long and drawn out. It was maddening. I signed timesheets tonight. I noticed a few students didn't do theirs, and they know if they want to get paid its time to do your timesheets.

Tried faxing the timesheets today and I found that the faxes took forever. I was so upset. I'm not sure they went through. I better make sure and call the office tomorrow. it took over an hour. I was so upset! Workstudies can't be getting mad at me for nonpayment. if I have to take them a copy tomorrow, then I will. I might email them too.

I had three boxes to ship to Atlanta. I tell you every time I thought I had enough books , another one came in that needed to go back to Atl. I eneded up opening one of the boxes after sealing it to add a book. I got new boxes this week, so no more old crusty, beat up, old boxes.

I have a couple of lazy students who everyone can clearly see are being bums. I so am changing that. They make it hard for me because I have to lay down harder rules for all. How many times can I ask people to police themselves. Its like talking to a wall with some people. Do yer work and save me from having to bust yer chops all the time. Why do I have to become aggresive to have people do what we pay them for? The other students are flawless. I love them. my problem kids are all middle kids like me, I'm sure.

Eager to see the peeps. My bro offered me a chance to crash at his place. He so rocks. I may take him up on my offer. He has some of the coolest lazyboys. I miss them so. One could fade into dreamland in those things so easy. I want one. LOL

So Done With...

This afternoon was a little hectic. Found out there was drama at work (new ish). I fortunately caught the tail end of it. I tell you that there is this slimy cycle of foolishness that always comes at the end of the quarter. I am so done with this aspect. I am too tired to think about it.

I have a visit with the peeps coming up and while I am happy to see some, and I ain't too pleased with some others. Some people don't know how to act or behave, and quite frankly time is too precious to be in that steaming pile of garbage. I am so done with the dramas that play around my peeps.

Called my Mom and had a good Mom/Son conversation. She misses me. I miss her to. We so need to go out and have a day where we relax. I think I'll treat her to ice cream. We both can't eat too much of it, but I think once will be great. I'm past due for a visit with my Grandmother. Gotta call her. She loves receiving calls. Odd, but distance has made me appreciate several people more.

Sunday Scene III

Parking was terrible, as I made my way through. I need to move my car, and I am not happy about how far I had to park. It wasn't so busy that i felt overwhelmed. Again I feel its the calm before the storm. I feel a need to be very fearful of the onslaught of books. Made some h0t chocolate I hated so bad. The taste was not all that. perhaps two packets would make the taste richer? I don't know. Need to cap off my second bottle of water.

Sunday Scene II

Decided to have a music afternoon. No TV just some music from my playlists. Its been relaxing and enjoyable. Having some iced tea, and enjoying the day. Wrote a synopsis for the sequal to my six chapters. I love the direction I'm taking the characters. I think I will begin scripting it because it would be so worth it. I could get four pages done by tonight.

I need to prepare my dinner, as I know I'm not buying another damn meal anytime soon. Next payday is SUPER BUDGET. No room for a latte in their either, which bothers me, but it must be done. I don't do too much Christmas shopping. I may purchase my neice a couple of picture books, but that's it for me. I want to get my budget under control, and reduce my spending, get my bills paid on time.

The Sunday Scene Part I

I never know how a Suanday can go at work. Sometimes the tempo is rapid and draining. Other times its crawling, and I get all my chores done. Its the end of the qaurter, and I feel that we're gonna get pummeled with returrned books, desperate students and the obliglatory "when do you close" statement at least a dozen times per hour. Of course when I retuned the key I took home Friday, the places was as peaceful as can be. My co-worker told me it was calm all day. Calm before the storm?

The Power of Words

I was thinking about the power of words. I wrote an email that upset someone. That wasn't my intent, however, the email was met with hostility. It makes me think that sometimes words can seem or feel cut and dried when the intent of malice iss not there. Well the only way for me to resolve this issue was to reply with a more open, friendlier email and apologize if my words were too harsh. Sometimes being diplomatic bothers me, because the person I sent the email to knows the email was concering things we discussed previously.

I underestimated how people react when I am trying to be no-nonsense. Which brings me to the conclusion that people don't like it when I assert myself. I don't know how, but this has got to change. Nobody ever went anyplace holding their rights back.

I'm Gonna Be Alright

Note: I realize how vulnerable and painful this post is to me, and I also realize that posting it has made me stronger in many more ways. I post this as a testimony to the positive changes my life is undergoing.

I have issues with my father. I am used to his oft-putting ways, and the 10-mile wedge between us. I can make my way cross to his side, but this is such a pitfall of a one-way relationship that has existed since I could remember. It’s got me hitting my head against the wall.

I don't have his support on any endeavor I partake. He’s so uninvolved and so uninterested that I sometimes think he doesn’t give a damn about anything he associates with his “old life,” and that’s my Mother, brothers, and myself. This is truly a hard pill to swallow; yet I must. He abandoned us, and he left us in the wind. Now he’s off doing all sorts of better things that don’t involve his family. I think he would be happy if he didn’t see us at all.

Well, realizing the depth of my father’s love has hurt me so bad I was reduced to tears. I am at that point in the road where I am tired. Tired of the ups and downs, the games, and the lies. I don’t need excuses and I don’t want to argue about memories. His rejection doesn’t matter anymore, because if I am ever to move forward I have got to let go of his baggage and mine that ties me to him. This knowledge makes me look at my life differently. I don’t have to hold onto the pain, and I don’t have to be mad about the memories and drama. I feel as if I can let him, the bitterness, and his foolishness go without looking back, and without any hard feelings.

No, my realizations didn’t come to me easy, and I anguished over the pain and loss. I gained some valuable insight from this experience. Mind you, I wish I didn’t have to go through this drama. This is, however, my story, my path, my life, and I have to do what I have to do to not simply survive, but to succeed in life. I wish I had no worries, but I do, and am going to handle them all. No one dictates my feelings, by default, or otherwise anymore.

Keys In The Pocket

Goofy me, I got home, emptied my pockes and what's in there, but the key to the main floor copier. After i checked all of our copiers, I had to be grown tonight, and walk all the floors to make sure everything was in place. Well, I forgot about the copier key and didn't put it back. OK, I emailed the day staff and told them I would be at the job in the afternoon to
return said keys. The copiers are full so I know they won't need the key ASAP. Ah, one of those goofy things I do and laugh at myself for.

Work was pretty straightforward today. Discussed the aspects of ebonic with a co-worker, which was a super laugh-fest. Its amazing but we all knew certain words I thought was only SC related, not that Georiga is that far away. I cross a bridge I'm in SC.

The workstudies had plenty to do with the abundance of books that were comming in. Then it all tapered off, like a big silence. There are 5 days left in this quarter, and those kids are going to sock it to us. I know it. That's when all books come back. All fines must be paid. All chaos and drama.

I will survive.

Yeah I Write This Blog

Yesterday I hit a cool milestone. I double the amount of posts that I did last year. I am so pleased with amount of output I have done. It's been an excellent journey, as I have documents some of my Independence from my family, my higher higher education, and my own creative efforsts in comics, novel writing, and writing in general. I am very happy that I have made this progress, and feel I am moving in the right direction in my life.

Is there room for improvement? Oh yes, I need it everyday and I am willing to get things done as they need to be done. There is nothing like getting yourself into a new, and exciting level of your life. It is NOT easy. In fact it is sorough sometimes, I get ill thinking about it, but I keep moving. SometimesIfeel so overwhelmed, and sad, but I can't let that beat me. I can't fall under that pressure and I wont.

Blogging is a labor of love for me. I never know who's reading, and I don't mind. I do want to thank my regulars: Beatty, Berry (who encouraged me to keep blogging), Jackie, Owl, Nicole, Steve, Dorian, Martin, Trina, and all the silent people who never post. You guys so rock! makes me feel good. Most of all, writing gives me great pleasure. I hope one day to become a full-time writer of fiction and non-fiction. I am sure I am paying my dues as we speak.

My next goal, God willing, is for me to finish this year with a full 365 posts. If I average it, that's a post per day. I am like 10 posts away from that and this post makes 31 for this month.

Again, thanks to all who read, and to those who comment. I am grateful for your input.

---Stacy R. Haynes

My Evening: So Far, So Good

Well, most people are returning books. Lotsa books. My work studies are getting them shelved, and I am positive next week will be crushing to us all. In lieu of going to Starbucks, I took advantage of the break room’s instant chocolate. Its not coffee, but its good and hot. Pale replacement, but I digress.

I feel kind of blah, but I did remember to take my vitamins, as I hated that I didn’t do that before, and I feared that my nutrient level had fallen to an ugly level. I have needed to drink moiré water, as of late, as I have neglected that also. Not too much, but a bottle of water won’t kill me.

Brought lunch from home. The last of my baked beans is going tonight, along with rice and sausage. Well, I will see what’s on tomorrow’s agenda for food. I still have pasta in the freezer. I may thaw some out and eat it. I have some soup as well.

Artistly Complacent No Longer

I spoke with a friend about the projects we were working on, and I found myslelf wanting to work on subjects that were not on the beaten path. I said I wanted my thesis (so far away from here) to be edgier. I don't want to have a boring page full of technical and academic material, I want to move beyond what is safe and practical. I want to face my fears and take those chances. The thought alone of making my art stand on its own, and perhaps generating a buzz for its non-compliance pleases me. What can I say, to this day I have middle kid syndrome. It's evolved into creative looking to think and move outside the box. I have never been more proud of my ideas than I am now.

Changes

I so feel the need to change my clothes. Things to wear to work. Some styling suits, slacks, and a jacket to cap it off. I should get some hats too. I'd like to pull off a look that says I am stylish, mature, and a pro. Right now I scream "artist," which I love, but after a birthday and the desire to improve my life, trying some new looks would make feel better. Time will tell.

Blah Energy

I'm kinda bummed. No coffee. It'll be ok. My pep has slipped down a few notches, which I hate. Got two pages of the new story done, which feels like pure lameness. I hope I am not comming down with a cold. I think I will try to take a few good breaths, and hope my pep comes back to me. I need it. The palce is doing ok, buiit I don't want to look or feel drowsy. Vitamins may be needed to keep up my system.

Manic Mondays?

Another day has dawned. Had to call the office to make sure all the paperwork went through the fax. All I can say is the fax machine was giving me grief for some time now. I am more than pleased to know the material went through the machine, in the hands of the people who need them. I have been scanning and emailing material from one office to the next to insure that info has been carried proper.

Last night I did some boxing of materials to be sent to Atlanta. I've been doing a lot of shipping to ATL, and Lacoste of late. It can be time consuming and that often leads to a healthy distraction. Not to mention its finals time, and people are ready to go coo-coo for Coco-Puffs. I am getting all sorts of questions. The most famous one is "I've never looked up anything before." Some of them come in at midnight to find books. WTH? They don't need me, they need a miracle.

Noticed that on my way to work the sun is directly on my left side, and its getting hot. My great humor says I will have a half tan or look like Two-Face once I get to work. That light beams in like crazy and I can feel it too. I need to go eat something.

Self-Pix (Grown & Sexy)

I took this picture one moring while chilling. I liked the photo enough to send it to a friend, and she said I looked "grown and sexy." Talk about feeling good for the week! I decided to play with Photshop again, because what is life without making an image a little more fun and expressive. I tried a couple of different colors, but cool blue dominated the image. The other colors were not so good.

New Project Time!

Started writing a scfi-fi comedy series. I hope to get three more pages tonight. I have another sciffi story as well. That one is handwritten, and I hope to type out at least four pages of that as well. I love starting new projects. Its hard at first, when you stare at that blank Word document, but I get over that quick. I am excited because this means I am thinking more like a productive writer, and I want to work more and more . What can I say, its a passion.

Slow & Steady (Trying To Keep It There)

On my way to work, there are two lanes. Four cars in front of me was someone who decided that on the interstate thirty-five miles per hour was cool. It make the lane back up as we were reduced to a crawl. In my rear view mirror, I could see other rides moving into the next lane. It was a good mile before the slow driver decided to increase his speed. I went with the flow, because I could not get over. In hindsight I should have moved over a while ago if I wanted to keep at a good pace. Nonetheless, I wasn't late for work because I decided to go to leave my place a little earlier than usual.

At work things are the same. People really need help and often ask. Some are more reasonable than others. For example, I am here to accept retuned books and check them out to people. Others are more challenging. Calling, asking for things they can find, since they are on the website. Its so easy to not do your work. I dread touring the place tonight. Its so going to get trashed.

Stepping Up My Game

Was I slack today. I did enjoy my day more than I wrote, but I have a feeling that I will be doing a lot of writing this week, which is a great thing. Gotta love the workload. I admit, I never popped the DVD in the player, I was surfin the net, posting at boards, and reading posts. It was worth it.

Spoke with a lot of people today. Moms, brother, good friend. I was happy for that. I played "catch up" with everyone that I could. there are a couple more people I would have liked to call, but there was no need. I can't do it all, and there is no need to. I have other ways of communicating. Years ago, a friend suggested, while I was working having a hard time while working at Disney World, that when I looked at my last job (drama and outrageous boss), that god had prepared me for working with the craziness. Which is how life works. I didn't see it then, but I am grateful for it now.

Been feeling satisfied by writing. Something deep in my core that made me feel like I was making progress in life. I wasn't letting the day merely pass me by, but I'm getting mileage out of writing. I am so pleased. That's positive energy that I can't buy. I live for feeling good. maybe I need a feelgood play list.

The Script Is So Done

I finished all six issues, and I wrote out a proposal that includes a synopsis (under one page for all six chapters-not bad), and a full cast list. Woooo!!! Emailed them to my artist, so now she has the total package. I may rest my nerves some. Maybe get in a movie, take a deserved long, relaxing bath, and chill for the rest of the night.

Now I can work on my other projects without thinking of this one so much. I love completing projects. Well its 50% done. LOL My part or the creative phase is over. The next step is to get some character designs, and some pages of art ready to submit. That won't happen for a while, but I am ready for it. :-)

Afterwars I'm turning myself into a promotion machine. I have a website to desgin for the comic book, my own website to work on, not to mention my other stories to create.

Wake Up Mr. H.!

Woke up early again, and it was a struggle. It would have felt so much better if I slept until i felt like waking. This time to run the errand of getting the oil changed in my ride. Well, I loathe early mornings, but I didn't want to wait too late to get to the shop, lest I wait for hours, and I can't have that happening. I snapped a self-portrait in the lobby while waiting. I adjusted the colors in Photoshop, as it was too bright. I had that bleached out look for so early in the morning. Lostsa of good sunlight outside today.

Dude was in the lobby arguing with the mechanic. I must applaud the mechanic's calmness in the face of adversity. That's the major difference in customer service that makes or breaks your day. Some people will argue if you say the sky is blue. The argument so could have gone to another level. Glad it didn't. Drama in the morning is so not worthwhile.

Promised myself to do some serious writing, so I have to keep this promise. Of course, the idea machine that I am, I have much MORE ideas, so I'm getting those down too. Glad to be home and work on my projects. Also I feel good writing a blog entry longer than five sentences.

New Playlists

I'm in the mood to hear some sexy ballards. Some Prince, Vanessa, Williams, Patti Labelle. Let's see what I come up with. I feel like a kid in a candy store.

Much Needed Rest

I went to sleep, and I have to say that was time well spent. What I was really thankful for is that I had the sense to close ALL the blinds in the house before I dosed off. It was bright outside when I went to dreamland, but pitch dark when I work. It was nice to not have to hustle, but to sleep and relax my mind and body.

I promise myself to get my oil changed sometime between now and Tuesday. it pays to hand the oil changes before that damn change oil light rears its ugly head. I am pleased that it works, but its not my favorite thing to see on my ride.

Laying Groundwork

I can never see it. I never know anything for sure about my future, but I do know all this time I have been laying the groundwork for my future. What does that mean? I know there are better experiences and better activities waiting for me. I just have to have faith.

Write Again

Well, while working on the issues of the six issues, I thought about starting the second series, well, I began writing another story. It was nice to focus on something that wasn't my main story. honestly, it made me feel good. Its all handwritten, so when I get the time (most likey Saturday), I promise to type at least four pages.

I have a new rule, and that is to at least do four pages of script per day. With two seperate stories that's eight stories, and if I tweak the first series that's twelve. Of course the novel is a paragraph at a time. I find it better to handwrite the ideas and then collect them into a story.

I slacked off from this post to jot down some descriptions. I am pleased that I have found some time to work on writing.

To be honest, I have been worrying about paying my bills this month, in a timely manner. its been bothering me so bad, its been distracting. Well, I made some concrete plans to pay them. this means totally holding off on any "me" spending. This only makes it more imperative that I keep writing and getting these stories out to publishers. At the very least it may get me a little more money along the way.

No more worries tonight. The plans are in the works, and I need to trust my own actions.

Pasta Anyone?

I still have a lot of pasta in the house. It tastes good, but I know I should have added more seasoning. It could have a more richer, dynamic taste. It doesn't matter. Some of it is heading towards the freezer.

I need to get a hair cut, and make myself look good. LOL I look a little rugged and rough. Can't be going out like that. I will soon change that, and feel good about it too.
A car wash would be nice for the car as well.

Breathe

I need to breathe, relax as I take in some air, the exhale, release all my tensions. Take in the peace and calmness. let my mind roam away from all of my woes, my works, my creations. I need to feel a level of deep satisfaction that can't be found, in the pages of my writing, or in a book. Nothing found on tv, no song, no word. Its all within me. Its up to me to bring it all out.

I Don't Feel Like Wrting (Yeah, Right)

I don't feel like writing today. I get that way, sometimes, but it doesn't matter. I'm writing anyways. Last night at work went fine. Students are getting desperate foir research material, but I am afraid that putting things off until the last moment means you're not going to get the material you want. Fortunately no one was out of hand. I did go to Stabucks, but ordered a hot chocolate instead of a latte. It hit the spot. I like that.

Irorned my clothes for today, and made a sandwich. I'm having leftover pasta for dinner tonight. I think I made too much pasta. I better put some in the freezer so I can eat later.
I'd rather it not be spoiled.

In My Galaxy

Worked on my proposal last night. I have to say I loved and debated this challenge for some time now. Its harder to write what the story is about than it is to write the story.
Fortunately, I decided to sit down and write and that is where I came up with the words, by making myself write. I have all the grammatical errors out of the script, and that is ready to go. I have to work on the cast list proper, and cleaning up the proposal. I am grateful for the opportunity to finish what I started.

Afterwards I have the novel to keep working on, and a new mini series I'd like start start typing (I hand wrote a starting chunk of it). I have a few other ideas I'd love to give a spin, but these two are the next brightest stars in my galaxy.

What I Want To Change

What I want to change most in my life is the level of control I have (vs what I think I have). I want to affect my environment vs being affected by my environment. I don't want to see myself and be confidant, bold, and an influence to others. I want to be empowered and maintain this power for the rest of my life.

Now, the questions to my self is, how will I empower myself to make these changes?
I want to take NO PRISONERS!

Faults and All

Copied this post from my own posting at YABS.

There are more questions than answers, but this is what I learned form the podcast earlier.

Accept where we are right now. Accept what is going on in our lives before we move forward.

Take responibility for ourselves. Once we take responsibility no one or no thing can be responsible for how we feel and react in life.

The next step is to accept yourself, faults and all. Whoo. Trying to wrap my head around it all. I didn't expect an easy answer, but I didn't expect to fry my brain either. Yep, I need to draw something, get my mind off of me. This sounds so out of body.

All I can say is that trying to start looking at meditation and enlightenement as a signifigant tool in life, and I find that I am very much an uncarved block of wood. I don't know if I can even go the distance. How does one Rise above it all? How do I accept myself on all levels to move onto the next step? I have more questions than answers. Well, there is some meditation I need to do, perhaps later on this night.

Where's Brunch?

I need to go to eat. I am so hungry. I'll eat after I finish the paragraph for the novel. One paragraph at a time. Its harder than it looks, but so worth it. Trying to mellow out more, to relax. I have a clear picture in my head. Let's see if I can put it on paper.

Tried to sleep late, but a new neighbor is here, and had the loud music going. In faact all I heard was lod music ALL WEEKEND. Why? I can take an hour, but from 4:30 PM to 10:58 PM? Torture. Called the apt manager, as I would in this instance. Drama.

Title Hunter

Writing a six part story has led me to tweaking the story and making all of the elements are in place, as I roll out for the proposal phase of writng. Lo, and behold I have one great flaw, story title. Intially, the titles (which were tentative) didn't fit the stories anymore. What did that mean, I had to come up with new ones. Yeah this all seems simple right.

Maybe if I had a month away from the material, I would feel better and more confidant about the names. I, however, found the perfect titles for each chapters. It took some doing, but I feel with the right title, the story has weight, and dimention. otherwise I would have to give them generic titles, like Chapter One, Chapter Two, etc.

I am glad to have gone through all of this. Now I must move onto the proposal. Cari and I bounced some ideas off of each other, and I am very happy with the ideas. So, its a good development day for all. :-)

Positivity

I copied this from a post I wrote at Trina's forum.

Ever notice, that while in the middle of a crisis, you can't see your way through, but you make it through anyways?

Its a different location, and a different situation, but I realized today that I have always toughed out whatever came my way. It put a spin on my worrying. Everything will work itself out.

Life has all these teachings it gives. I believe in love, God, and positive attitudes. I am seeing I need to put fourth extra efforts in establishing authority, responsibility, and maturity.

Work To Do

Printed out some of the ideas and paragraphs I have for stories. It was worth it, as I can now look them over. I need to get the rest of the proposal done, as I am a little tired of working on it. If I sit down tonight and hammer out the detains I can have all of it done. What I would like to do is give cari an official copy so she can read it over the break, and get back to me with the pros and con's of the story revisions, and any additional thoughts.

It will give me time to dive into another project. I have yet to read what i printed for the novel. Call me scary. last night I was all chicken. I do need to distract myself. maybe listening to a movie or watching tv will allow my mind to move away from my writing, and allow me a moment to have fresh eyes towards it, which is what I do want.

Reflections

I am trying to chill and enjoy the day. Was listening to a meditation podcast. I am trying to calm myself, and working my way through some stress. All the while maitianing my creativity. I am trying to keep myself from feeling down when I'm off. The podcast was cool, as it instructed listeners to accept themselves on the whole. Acceptance is the first step to transcending all woes.

Last night burned the midnight oil with trying to write a one page synopsis for all six chapters of the comic book. It doesn't fit one page. LOL That's what editing is for though. Got some feedback from my bro on the proposal direction. I love asking him questions, because he knows what he likes and doesn't and will say so. Big shot out to Martin for helping me. My home girl, and all around superwoman Jackie helped me out also. She knows what she likes and dislikes. Her assessments were more technical. I get mileage from that.

Typed out a page for my novelafter placing all my handwritten notes together. I don't know what to make of it yet. Maybe if I leave it alone until tomorrow, print it out and read it, and I will have more clarity. It makes me nervous and excited. Again, stepping into new territory. I will handwrite some more ideas down.

Writing Again

Started writing my novel again. I have a new rue in place; One page at a time. I may do one paragraph at a time. I am trying to lay my words down with some care and poetry. I am sure it will build into a full fledge story soon. I confess both nervousness and excitement for this process, but I am sure I will have something worthwhile to speak of.

Possessed

You cling so tight to me
You make my eyes water with dread,
As you stare at me
With your cold, cold unfulfilled eyes
You say nothing
I keep wondering
What do you really want?
What do you really need?
Am I to be bled dry?
So that you may be satisfied?
Little by little you take a part of my being,
Trying to get to my soul
You’ll take everything from me, until you have taken me all.
You will have taken over me.
Tell me, will you discard me if you are not filled?
Or will you rebuild me with your own designs in mind.
Build as you will, discard the less desired.
Does not my pain count?
When I no longer begin as me, but end with you, where are we?

I Don’t Do

I don’t do no bus
I walks my own damn path down the streets

Don’t go nowhere
Don’t want for no place
Neverumind that noplace feels like home

When it rains, it don’t matter
Water gets under my ratty umbrella just the same

I don’t do no skates-inline or out
If I want to roll on I do

Don’t do no good meal
I eat with my fingers
Nobody knife and forks a Snickers bar,
Or a can of string beans-no heat, no salt nor pepper

Don’t do no love
I only know her.
We don’t kiss
We don’t do no passion
We meet day and night on a dirty mattress
We don’t do no laundry
In a hole in the wall to crawl into.

Don’t do no uplifting
Just get my spot and sleep
We don’t got power,
We don’t got water.

Ain’t got no song to sing
No melody nor
Some sunshine for a guy who don’t do.

Don’t do no song
What’s to sing for?
Song don’t have no feelings
I go numb, body head and soul numb
Dumb to the world.

The Natives Are Restless...

The natives are restless as the jungle stirred with chaos. Leaves rustled in the sparce wind as they circled a fire dancing and singing songs of carefree fancy.

The cowardly lion has growled and whimpered as he choked on his own spit along the way to clumsily rattle the roost.

How does one take the jungle serious, when the predators have no claw or tooth to slash and bite? No ferocious eyes, nor snarl and speed on sinews so taut and raw.

Prey neither stands still in fear, or run for safety. The night is filled with song and joy.