Unemployment Sucks 23: Shake It Off

Rejection is so disheartening, and I got another email confirming I didn't get yet another job I applied for.  Sometimes I look at the messages, laugh, and move on.  It does suck being unemployed, but no time to mope and feel sorry for myself. Bad news does leech onto my good spirits, and rejection is that kick nobody likes to feel unless you're a masochist. Sometimes this coats my world and I feel less shiny and new than I love to feel.

Besides that I've been keeping busy with more applications, half-assing a few things, and feeling my creativity die on the vine, which I hate. This week's been trying as all get out with parking woes, fees I didn't expect, and me trying to get my brain together.  Sometimes I'm happy to lay on the couch and de-stress.  

Been feeling cooped up as of late. Got too caught up in other things to write well. Stress ain't pretty.

Unemployment Sucks Part 22: When Life Kicks You In the Nads

Well the past few days loved reminding me that it has the power to kick me in the nads. It seems like I went from my car crisis to apartment complex crisis, and back to car in the past few days. My nerves are a mess. I'm grateful I got the opportunity to slow down and relax. Was too upset. Didn't eat properly. Now that I mellowed, meals got possible.

To top off my lovely week, yet another Potential job sent me a "thanks but no thanks letter." I have to smile and bear this cause we both know the world doesn't stop with me feeling sorry for myself. It doesn't really stop at all. I was so messed up in the head this week, and the rejection should have been the icing on the cake. Instead it was "meh."

So I'm a little numb to the nads kicking life dealt this week. Talk about hardships. How does one weather this storm? Y'all know I'm staying positive with faith, family and friends. I needed that. Got real blessed with some fees and payments that could've gone ugly real fast.

Needless to say there were no games and a limited
amount of social network time. I read felt that outta control, panic attack sensation I loathe. So nasty. Someday it shall turn around.

So yesterday unemployment really sucked, but I dusted myself off and ready for a new day. I pray there's no more life nads kicking. That shit really hurts.

Unemployment Sucks Part 21: Re-invent Me

This is one of those times where suggestions, a helping hand and good thoughts came my way. For one thing my car is mess right now, and the part I ordered is a mess of not getting here.  I'd love to think that  stress is manageable, but it gets under my skin from time to time. I suppose it wouldn't be stress if it wasn't.  I digress.

I went to the store yesterday with a friend who was kind enough to take me, so I got what I needed, and I was more than grateful to get those errands done. In addition to the coolness of getting things done, one of my siblings suggested I should fully reinvent myself as a full-time writer. It's not like I wasn't creative before, but I got more free time on my hands and I do write all the darn time, right?

Now I need to give myself more assignments and get stuff done on a daily basis.  I suppose the blogs don't count cause I do them all the time. Still a bit exciting and scary.  I need to write down the schedule for projects and keep off the internet while working unless it's necessary.  What a fascinating challenge.  A little scary too.  

So here's to a chance to try a different angle to my productivity. Writer and job hunter by day. The possibilities appear endless.  Let me start with a list, and then get them executed during the week.  It's more like homework that i don't mind doing.  I'll figure this out.

Unemployment Sucks Part 20: Laughing

Part of the reasons I'm loving writing this series is it's keeping me writing on a frequent basis.  That's always good for me.  As I wrote on my Cinema blog, getting to feel humor is a great thing too.  Sometimes the mind needs to unwind, and as someone who loves a good laugh, I need to stop and smell the hot tea in the morning.  I so want coffee but my congestion says "hell no" at this moment.  Trust me, congestion trumps coffee. - I digress.

Today is about not being wrapped too tight in the sense that sometimes being silly can improve my overall mood.  Why am I stressing? I got this wonderful gift to use for myself and for others.  it's time to shine with a God-given talents for life and to be free of the dumbness that is trials and tribulations that I face.  Not making the problems go away (being financially destitute), but I don't have to be upset over events I can't control.  All I really can do is be me and stop worrying, give my efforts all that I can supply, and move on.

In the meantime I got some humor and some love of humor to share, and rather than let that be doused, why not let it shine.  I want to laugh, smile, and enjoy my time.  I wouldn't mind others to laugh and smile as well. So yeah, unemployment still sucks, but I can deal.  Y'all knew I could all the time.  

Kitteh

I like this pic.

Unemployment Sucks Part 19: You Didn't Know

No adventure seems complete without me thinking, "what's next."  Has my life become a 50s serial film complete with cliffhanger? No. Well for one thing a 50s films are long before my time and in the present I simply want to love the moment I'm in. Speaking of moments, one thing important to me is writing, and I now have some short stories I will eventually present to my writing group. I'm excited because it's me doing something in addition to looking for more work, and not going bonkers in the process.

Yes, there's gaming, which I love deeply, and I will play some today, but I need more outlets.  I crave the creativity.  I got a few more projects I need to dig into as well.  Getting to write in this time is a great boon for me.  I hope to use more of my time in a creative fashion.  

Unemployment Sucks Part 18: However, Life Does Not Suck

I find it important to remind myself that while unemployment does suck, my life does not. If it sounds like a contradictions, let me tell you it is not.  First and foremost working is a part of my life, and there are things I mention before about paying your way, and how jobs create structure, and that's gone for the moment.  Well now it's up to me to give myself some structure.  My life doesn't suck because of the love and support I receive. It's what I need and helps me prgroess in a tough economy.

I should mention unemployment benefits are relatively small compared to my former working wages, and trust me, no one should have top live off of them. It's quite humbling.  I see a lesson in here.  I'm constantly redefining how I should live and spend my money.  It's not an ideal station at all, but when I get stripped down to the essentials, it makes me appreciate what I do have.  Still, in the case of emergencies, I would be screwed. Replacing an alternator right now is only possible though my support system. God bless my peeps who remind me that we have to help each other because we don't have anyone else. So unemployment does suck. Support system rules with the utmost.

Unemployment Sucks Part 17: Go Team Reemployment

I'm thinking I shouldn't write this post while listening to Mariah Carey's cover of "Without You,"but it's such a pretty and haunted/dark song. She puts some conviction in her pain. I admire the artistry and talent. Needless to say, this is how I'm working on this post. I'm a deal with it, and now everyone else has to.

Artistry aside, this is me putting more efforts into winning. I'm staying positive, and looking for more places to submit applications and resumes.  The odds are slim, and it's quite the downer.  The song itself isn't making me feel bad, it's the atmosphere of not working.  That sucks wild cat ass. Gonna keep it moving.

I so need to move to another city and find my fortune elsewhere. Dealing with some more budgeting issues really has me in a tailspin that I hope will not be the end of me trying to manage my own funds. I'm reminded that prayer's gotten me through a lot of things. It will help me now.

Since I do have some free time on my hands, it's time to look in this cabinet and see if anything in here is worth keeping.  If it's not, like all the negativity, it has to get the heck out.   This reminds me to play something more upbeat and happy.

Unemployment Sucks Part 16: Untitled

This post reminds me that I started the series of Unemployment Sucks as a way to discuss my struggles with unemployment, hoping to release the negative toxins from my body mind and spirit, and possibly inspire others in similar situations.  It's also allowed me to post more on this blog, which I hadn't been doing in a while.  Writing empowers me, and often gives me a sense of completion and satisfaction.  Why not put that focus to good use and share something more profound and ultimately larger than myself? This post reminds me to not give up in the face of harsh adversities.

There are many unemployed people who don't have any outlet or feel the need for hope, optimism, and/or love. In this economy with a lot of bad things happening all the time, the future feels very, very uncertain, and the love for the world withers and dies on the vine. It's incredibly difficult to not let the negative toxins of unemployment affect your outlook on life, creativity, well-being, and good will. I can tell you holding on by a thread of hope is rough as all get out. Being made to feel at your former place of employment you're a terrible person does hit you in the psyche and the gut.

I made the choice to persevere, because it's rough, but the alternative didn't suit the man that I am. When I came to Savannah, I had plenty of goals in mind, and one was to complete my education.  For the moment that door's closed to me, but I know another will open soon.  Why?  Perseverance demands that I not give up.  I can tell you for sure I'm frustrated a lot because a lot of things simply won't work out in spite of being proactive about seeing reemployment. A lot of things aren't pretty.  I suppose this is a test in life.  I never know what God has in store for me. I do know he gave me this gift to write, and I feel a positive need to make sure to share my experiences.

Thanks and blessings to my family and friends who constantly encourage me to write, stay positive, and strong.  Kudos to all in this situation, and don't know where your next meal or paycheck is coming from. I say some prayers for you. It truly is a disheartening experience to not be able to support yourself, yet I am richer for being able to express my woes. Through God, a path to prosperity shall come our way. I'm feeling empowered by not holding onto the toxins. I love myself enough to keep trying day after day when it feels like there's not real change. I keep writing in hopes one day i will not need to write about unemployment anymore.  
 

Unemployment Sucks Part 15: In the Meantime

Time to get up and about as the upsets have come back into the picture.  By upsets I mean budgeting issues that happen from time to time and make my days rather longer than they need to be.  My alternator died, and that shit's just rough on me. Looking over some prices now for parts and places to order them from.  Ordering is one way to keep the costs down, cause as it stands, the prices is pretty high.  Too high for an unemployed Brother.

I'm reminded at these times, that I must appear like some sort of sad, stereotypical Black man with little or no prospects.  Sometimes I do feel the diminished capacity of my dreams and goals.  I'm not getting younger, after all, and the universe keeps on moving regardless of my status. I'm here to say to all, "perish that line of thinking."

A brother may be down, but keeping his spirits up and about.  I didn't hit rock bottom. I didn't die.  I won't give up.  Of course without a car it makes going to the store a bit difficult.  I need my allergy medicine, which I just ran out of, and a few other supplies. Of course, I also need to make sure I have some money for the alternator.  This remains why unemployment sucks.  I digress.

I have to get myself into a positive mode of thinking. This means looking to see how I can stay positive.  It's time for a writing project.  Let's see, what to write about this time? I think I'm gonna put a lot of effort int my screenplay today.  Why not? I have a lot of free time, and I can do more than gaming or being upset about the upsets.  Life is tough.  I'm tough. I'm a get through the ups and downs with strength, love, and hope.  I pray a lot too, as y'all know.

Unemployment Sucks Part 14: Job Interview

This week's been about running all the errands and completing tasks that needed to get done.  That makes me feel good as well.  In addition, after months of application and resume submission I had an interview yesterday.  So yes, way to go perseverance! Well I think the interview went well.  Let's hope my impression made the employee feel confident.  I felt confident.  It's always good to know talents and skills get attention, so this is a positive thing.  

Yesterday I also had some car issues, that I can't fix immediately. I would feel a lot more confident IF I had a job because I had the money to cover the expense. The perk of unemployment is you will have to wait to resolve things, however it will be resolved. Perseverance rules! As always I have to keep hope alive, and remind myself things improve over time.

Unemployment Sucks Part 13: Try Again

I named this post after the Aaliyah song, "Try Again," which is todays's topic. Rejection of any kind can sting like crazy, but the fact that one doesn't give up is worthy of recognition.  We all face obstacles and pitfalls that knock us down, but we dust ourselves off and get back into the game.  It's really about uplifting our own spirits, minds and bodies so that we can make the difference in the quality of our own lives, and the live of those around us.

Unemployment still sucks, but a Brother has to place his focus on the best things in his life.  Part of that was the gratitude I do have for the positive, and an appreciation for the negative, which comes to everyone all the time.  It cannot defeat us.  It cannot hold us back.  The power to endure and persevere resides in all of us.  Adversities come and go, and we know how to navigate them.

I believe in prayer, God, and fortify myself with many blessings God's bestowed upon me.  I know not everyone believes, but that doesn't mean you can't keep striving for positive outcomes.  You must put positive energy out and sow your seeds.

Now have I felt like giving up, and feeling that agony of defeat? Yes, yes, yes!  I however often feel it's a must to remind myself that I was not made for nothing, and the limitations others wish to place upon me doesn't mean I must accept their thoughts as my own.  So hitting the wall is rough, falling down has a lasting, humiliating blow, like being kicked in the butt by a stranger and falling face first on the concrete. I've learned to not accept a need of validation from those who don't matter.  Those who love and support me matter.  Those who cannot abide fall to the wayside.  It is a truth you will see over and over again.

So onto the next resume and application submission.  My time to shine, like yours, will arrive in due time.

Unemployment Sucks Part 12: Happy 4th of July

This Wednesday seems like a cozy Saturday, and I have some exciting news I hope to share soon. Don't want to get too ahead of myself and we're keeping things moving.  Gratitude is on the plate. 

It's a holiday and I'm fortunate to relax for a bit. It feels good and enjoyable. I need to enjoy the quiet side of a holiday.  Not doing the fireworks sessions, and I know that place will be crowded, and the fireworks are usually fantastic.   

UPDATE:  I wrote this post, and I realized it isn't my typical robust sexy posts.  That's got to go. Admittedly I worked on something that demanded my attention, but I know I can do better than this.  Yes I was exhausted from writing, but now that's over with.

The 4th of July usually means grilling and time with the family, which means a trip home, however, it's not happening, and I wish it did. It's almost a perfect set-up.  I'm currently not working, I could use some family face time, and then there's the food.  Sadly, I got things to take care of, but I don't want to take my family for granted that they will be here, because sometimes we are here one day, and gone the next.

That has less to do with unemployment, but with having love and family. Still, part of this journey is about love, healing, and moving on.  Family is there for these changes.  

Unemployment Sucks Part 11: Gratitude

Sometimes looking at what I have more than what I loss gives me real comfort and strength. I am more than grateful for the love and support of family and friends. They've been the best cheerleaders I could imagine. The well wishes and prayers keep me secure. I love that.

I'm grateful my migraine went away. Stress no doubt brought it on. Resting was the best thing I could do for myself. I came up with a few ideas for scripts I'll share one day. At least talk about the methodology behind them.

I'm grateful for loving myself not to either fall into despair or allowing pain to rule me. Prayer helps and thank God the positive outweighs the negatives.

I'm grateful for the rest I'm able to take. It feels so good to not have annoyances. Makes life sweet. I'm grateful for waking up this morning and a simple breakfast with tea.I'm grateful I haven't given up on hope and love. They make my day.

EDIT: Like post #12 I'm writing some more because quite frankly I can do anything I set my mind to, and it's time to express myself.  First and foremost having a life, living, and improving is my beautiful experiences and I'm grateful for the good and the bad.  The good always outshines the bad, because the bad gets left behind.The strength, love, and joy I have continues to empower me.

I'm also grateful to the negative experiences, because like a little rain, you too shall pass.  I'm reminded of how strong I am, and those around me.  Needless to say, unemployment sucks, and it will pass as well.  I'm grateful for the great power endure my hardships.  Hardships remind us that we are strong.

Unemployment Sucks Part 10: Job Hunting

It's time to look for some new jobs today.  I don't mind the searching part, or the passing out of resumes. It does take it's toll when you realize it feels like a never ending party where everyone's gone home but you, and no one seems to notice. It is what it is.

Today is also an odd day cause the power went out on the the entire block last night.  Dinner by candlelight was not what I was prepared for, but it's what I got.  It wasn't even an awesome meal, LOL it was salad.  I wanted a late night meal without the heaviness of a full meal. All of a sudden, the power went out.  it was dark.  Pitch black dark.  I keep candles and flashlights so I wasn't helpless in the dark.

Power's back on now.  :)

Unemployment Sucks Part 9: Irons In The Fire

Yesterday, like most days had me looking for jobs.  Boy is this market tough.  Since I can't move (yet), I need to keep looking, applying, and submitting.  I feel better that I have hope for my future, and my people keep pushing me to look.  Go peeps! Thanks peeps!  Y'all know who you are.  Y'all make my heart and soul dance to you're unwavering support and love.  It's good to be loved. it's good to know happiness, bliss and a sense of peace.  I know it don't pay the bills, but it brings me things money can't buy.

I have some projects that are non-paying, but I love what I do so the money will come if I maintain the flow of production and energy.  needless to say I spend my free time doing things that are free, and hope that things will get better for me.

Neck's very stiff which means my sleep is off, or I used the wrong pillow again, which is much of the same thing.  It will pass, as always.  It's passing now.  Ah, ibuprofen, my friend.

As always this is a brand new day with plenty of potential.  I'm a get busy with a project or five.  This series still being my favorite at the moment.  Life is good.  Could be better, but a Brother keeps his spirits high.    

Unemployment Sucks Part 8: Re-Employment Program

I found visiting the Department of Labor a challenge at first.  It was busy when I went, long lines and spent the bulk of the morning in there. Still it was good to get that underway because it was needed for my well-being and the transition between my unjust termination and obtaining a new job.

Part of receiving unemployment benefits was getting into the re-employment program. I saw it like a class, and it was a series of lectures and presentations, and I got up early for them. This program helped put some pep in the motor in spite of any former unemployed person's  circumstances. The re-employment program reminded me of how valuable I am, and adds another support system for me to grow and be stronger.

There were a lot of cool benefits and I found myself submitting resumes and applications more and more. The uncool part is that I don't have a job (yet), but the time that passes tells me that kiss of death from an unjust termination lives on.  Nevertheless, I'm not giving up.  As I mentioned yesterday the grass may look greener elsewhere, but we all know different.

As always, stay strong, and never give up.

Unemployment Sucks Part 7: Speak Your Mind

As I type this I have the start of a migraine, and yes I took some Ibuprofen. I'm a go lay down in a hot minute.  Things will work themselves out like they need to.  A few minutes of rest will help resolve the pain.  

Sometimes I must cut back on the things and maintain a budget. Always hated budgeting, and being a bit more carefree with spending.  I'm single, no kids, and I love expenses, like my eduction, new movies, foods for cooking, dining out, and new clothes.  A Brother lives for some nice things.  That's a bit done for the moment as I look at what I can and can't afford.

The past two weeks of job hunting consisted of feedback, putting out applications and resumes, and crossing my fingers.  I mixed in some prayer in there too, and peeps gave me equal well wishes.  One person gave me the "thanks but no thanks" response this week.  I was disappointed, but I got over that. Can't take that spirit to another potential employer.

Unemployment Sucks Part 6: Let Me Turn This Car Around

You sometimes have to make concessions in your life and sometimes its better than nothing.  Having the inability to not pursue some of my favorite endeavors really flattened the tires of inspiration, but today is about bouncing back from perceived defeat.  First, "never give up" sounds good on paper, right?  Yes, it's very feel good phrase, somewhat annoying, but I got love for me, and faith. People have love and faith in my ability to persevere, create, and inspire even when I don't feel like I can. Theres' always something good and true about your support network. Call em up, sent a meal or text, and get that feedback.  They are here to help.

I recognize I'm not identified by my job, and if I were I think my unjust termination would've destroyed me.  Was I proud about working? Was I having a good lifestyle?  Was I working in spite all negativities?  Oh yes I was. keeping up a professional demeanor no matter the process is magic. Somehow this hasn't kept me from being able to live, talk to people, and laugh. I laugh a lot.  I got jokes, stories, amusing adventures I share.  I have my blogs, and I still write.

So in the sense that I get that woe is me feeling when i'm driving through life, let me turn this car around.  I'm going on that highways where the people are happy, productive, and love themselves. One thing to always remember as you see others having what you think is success and you're not.  The grass always looks greener on the other side, however, you don't know what's going on past the surface.  We may be in a post-Post Modern world, BUT everything that looks good, and good for you, and all that glitters ain't gold. Remember those phrases as you get that nagging thought that some are better off cause they have what you don't material wise. For me, prayer, meditation, love and support always gets me through. Getting that good night's sleep, stepping into a new morning, and keeping it moving is a priceless act that pays now, and sows seeds for the future. Invest in yourself. God will help save you.    

Unemployment Sucks Part 5: School's Out (For Now)

For the moment, I can kiss my graduate dreams goodbye for now as looking for a job takes top priority. Sometimes our dreams and goals are on hold, and it feel like there's no light at the tunnel for completion of said dreams. It feels like life's been sucked right out of me, as if my goals and dreams aren't worth a rat's nasty behind at the moment. That really stinks, but as always optimism lives with me, and my peeps remind me all the time that things will get better.

For those who don't have peeps telling them this, and you need to hear it, listen to me now, THINGS WILL GET BETTER.  It does take time and it is a frustrating situation to live through, but we are strong people, and this is but a footnote in our histories. Our strength is being tested by adversity.  I know I've taken a lot of hits.  I've been tested many times, and I manage to come through.  I'll do it again.

In addition to the woes, I'm reevaluating where I obtain my masters degree. While I think highly of my professors, and learned a lot from them, I worked where I went to school, and being unjustly terminated placed the entire university in a different light.  Professors aside, do I -- should I return to a place that treated me in such a poor, disrespectful manner? Would I not be better off in a place where I didn't feel like I was disrespected, and contributed monetarily to a company like the former place of business?  These are things worth contemplating and helping me move onto better prospects. Let me tell you, the best for me has yet to come.

I will say this with most confidence, in the past, my ancestors have been disrespected, and now so have I, but we all endure our struggles, heartaches and pains. We move forward. It is that strength, support, and love that has made all my experiences worthwhile and allowed me to see and move beyond the negatives. Entitlement, works for some, but others such as ourselves put in the time to make sure things are done. I don't have the luxury of entitlement.  I do know what my parents told me, and my grandpaprents, and the stories I've know all my life. You gotta take stands somewhere in your life, or you will fall for anything.

Unemployment Sucks Part 4: Keep Your Head Up

Staying positive after loosing one's job is much easier said than done.  It really kills the good will and mentality to progress or feel satisfied in life.  No matter what the reason is that you're no longer work at your job, you've got to flourish and keep your head up. The opposite is to lay down and accept defeat.  If no one ever says it, "we are worth every bit of success that we once had and then some," I'm saying it for us.  The determination and ability to handle this upset is but a stepping stone in life.  This is but an experience to discuss and to overcome.  We all have strength in the face of adversity.  

Admittedly I was down when I was unjustly terminated, but I know I couldn't rest on this point.  I believe that the experience, the worries, and the fears are all natural.  I went through them. I suffered the woes, but I'm not giving up, and neither should anyone else. In addition to job searches, resume updates, job fairs, and meetings on career/interview improvements, nothing's gelled yet. Still I refuse to give up. Giving up isn't considered because I have to take care of myself.  Also I love working.

Let's face it, jobs do more than give us a paycheck.  Jobs give us structure, routines, and a sense of achievement. Being removed from these productive elements is not only draining, but depressing.  Sadly there's no manual for how to survive this kind of upset.  All that anyone can do is try their hardest to keep their head up. Family and friends kept my spirits moving in a positive direction, as well as prayer, meditation, and any form of distraction I could find, like playing games, TV shows, and looking at old films in my home.

One bad thing I did was watch reality shows. When I was employed I never watched them.  I'm reminded why I didn't like them as I type this post. A lot of the shows are awful and negative.  I wasn't made to hold this kind of drama in my psyche. Attempting to pull away was a hot mess of me being curious, which is not where I need to place my focus. I guess that's as low as I go. I feel lucky because some people don't stop with reality shows.  Substance abuse comes into the picture for some. That's a dark road I pray no one has to fall into.

My only suggestion is to find things that help you take your mind off your woes.  For me writing is one of my strengths, so I'm putting this to use now.  I love to cook, southern/soul food cuisines. Maybe one day I should try baking.  Make a cake from scratch, or a box. So long as it gets made. Music also takes my mind off a lot of heaviness for brief moments at a time.  We gotta keep things progressing.  Don't fall into a slump.  It happened, but we have the power to move away. It's not easy, but then again, the things worth having are never easy to achieve.    

Unemployment Sucks Part 3: Me, Hardships, and Unemployment Benefits

A lot of people never have to think about being terminated, and I pray that most never will.  Quite frankly, termination cuts to the bone. In my case, the rug was totally pulled from under me. One day I had a job, the next day, I didn't. I claim unjust termination because of the facts surrounding my termination, and that I received unemployment benefits in spite of my former employer's sly attempt to tap dance around the truth and employee laws. I believe greatness shall come from my experiences. That these horrible transgressions shall be a thing of the past to share with others.

Being terminated for any reason leaves a person in a vulnerable financial and psychological state. After all, how do you explain why you don't have a job anymore to family and friends?  How do you tell your former co-workers what happened to you?  How do you pay your bills, your rent, car repairs, groceries, and subscriptions you may have (like HBO,  magazines, group dues, etc.)? It's quite the hardship, let me tell you.

Adjusting is the hard part. I love my life and the things it brought me to be better in life and succeed.  To give these things up is a huge step backwards.  In fact it puts me near the poverty line. This is very, very scary. At the same time prayer, meditation, family and friends really help lift my spirits.

Loss of my steady income means sometimes I must pay my bills late, and that's a pet peeve of mine. Promptness with bills affords me security and happiness as opposed to bringing my stress levels to new heights, which happens all the time now. Without a steady job, I have no steady income.  I reluctantly kissed the old lifestyle goodbye.  I really can't really relocate for another job because the new apartment complex will want to know how I'm going to pay them, and they don't accept that I "might" get a job. What's that to anyone? Where to do I find the money to relocate? As a friend pointed out to me, in my case, one viable option available to me is moving in with a relative.  

Unemployment benefits saved me from the complete financial crisis that unjust termination brought into my life.  According to employee law; Section 34-8-194 former employees can't collect unemployment benefits if he or she is the cause of their termination.  For example, lateness on a daily basis could not only be grounds for termination, it would mean I couldn't collect unemployment benefits due to it being my fault I was terminated.  For that matter any company violations would apply here.  There were no company violations on my part. I received unemployment benefits.

Unemployment Sucks Part 2: Where'd That Insurance Go?

For those not in the know the benefits from many full-time jobs are amazing and I loved having insurance.  The power of insurance should never be underestimated. my insurance covered medical expenses.  For a chronic allergy sufferer such as myself, prescribed meds work the best, as my allergies went out of control to a point of barely manageable.  It's not pretty, allergy symptoms, but having coverage was worth it's expense.  Dental and eye exams are very important to me as well.  For those of us who are nearsighted having check-ups mean a lot. I did need to get my health check ups in as well, since I'm not getting younger.

On the job front: New application and my resume submitted to another place of employment.  Let's hope that "kiss of death" is washed out  (I doubt it).  I, however repeat, I'm not giving up. Prayer and meditation helps a lot.  The things I do helps keep me calm, focused, and positive. What I draw additional inspiration from is that I am my own man, and I survive in spite of the things thrown at me.  That's a Haynes thing. Never give up. Never surrender.  Also keep it moving.  Let other people wallow in misery.  The best has yet to come, and we will thrive.    

Unemployment Sucks: Part 1

It doesn't matter how you got to the road of unemployment (unjust termination, just termination, layoff, company bankrupt), it simply sucks.  This is my story of unemployment, and the hopeful road to survival, recovery, and triumph over adversity. My hopes with these posts are to help/inspire those in the same situations to grow and be inspired.  Sometimes all we need is someone to support and encourage us for success. If you're struggling like I am, then you know giving up is not an option.

Being someone who was unjustly terminated, I can tell you that the main point for me right now is to attempt to restore my financial status and obtain gainful employment elsewhere. I can say, with experience, placing the word "termination" on any application is like the kiss of death. It suggests to some that you weren't a good employee, however any forced termination is undefined.  For example, you could have loss your job due to transportation failures, accidents, and unforseen actions beyond your control. I'm fortunate I receive unemployment benefits, which helps me out some.

Needless to say I think trying to lie on applications is a mistake. It does feel like chains on the shoulder. A burden one's forced to deal with.  At the same time, I know my strengths, track record, and skills I offer.  It's a lot of work to keep up keeping on.  Never giving up is the best motto at this stage.

Keep It Real

I hope to put my best foot forward in situations, but sometimes even the best foot needs an evaluation. Being good does not mean being a blank slate. It doesn't mean no matter what you have to be kind and benevolent. Being good means your word is your bond. You commit to your decisions. You don't back down.

I'm not perfect in the least. I've failed at several things. I don't expect perfection from others around me. I do, however expect a modest amount of respect. Time and experience taught me that a lot of people aren't aren't always looking for respect. They can't be honest in the least, and most of all they want my respect. I got news for you. You want that respect thats due? You want that loyalty that comes from being down for whatever? You want me to remember that relationships are a two way street? I hear you. I want that too. I also need something else you need to be mindful of: taking these virtues for granted. As patient as I've been in the past, I'm done with it.

No man's patience is infinite. I'm tired and I don't have to be nice about it. The things I want out of life are before me. Time to move away from negative influences and gravitate towards the positive.

Goofing Off

Ok I have to admit that I love to procrastinate.  Not that I'm up against the wall or anything, but it's time to get a project into high gear.  This meant dedicated time to writing.  So I did write.  Let me tell you I made this a top priority.  No console games until I got things done.  I think once this week is done I can put MORE efforts into completing the project.  My goal is to make sure I'm working daily on it, but I'd love to see my output increase.  This means working harder at something I think is worth it.  Needless to to say in a few days expect me to say the output flows better than expected.  WHo knew if all roads lead to this, but I can't argue with positive results.

Awake

I woke up early as a consequence of a latte that amped my system. Eyes not feeling awakeness. They remain heavy and threaten to close and I drift back to sleep. So I'm in bed, indulgent, and willing to write up a post on being tired cause I am tired. It's calm and feels relaxing. No need to stir. It looks gloomy outside. I can tell cause there's no bright beaming sun in my room.

It's Been A While. . .

It's been a while since I wrote a personal blog post, and I've been busy with my Cinema Blog, and getting some other things together.  I need to reorganize some things.  been trying to get a lot of writing done, and some essays in my pocket and ready for publishing.  Part of that means writing, writing, and a lot more writing.  My focus with the essays feels stronger, as I keep on keeping on.  I'm living a dream and praying for things to work.  Gotta keep up the energy.

For the record I have at least two films to review and write notes upon.  Writing out some ideas for them before I look again.  Tightening the focus to scenes, as trying to review the entire film.  Also gave myself a real challenge.  I decided to look over a film I found horrible to watch.  While I read and loved the book, Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice, the film version was less than entertaining.  Needless to say I made two challenges.  The first was I suppose I should get my money's worth and that means addressing this film.  The second is could I give a poor film a credible essay?  The answer is "yes."  I got my work cut out for me.  Gotta keep it moving.  

Weeeeee!

Taking a bit of a break to goof of.  Boy does it feel good.  LMAO I do need to get some writing in so goofing comes with a price.  Did I mention I love writing?  I think I may have mentioned that a few times won this blog.  I've been slacking off as I'm watching TV, which is typically a no-no when I want to get stuff done, but it seems that the TV on in the bedroom seems to work magic.  Yes, I'm sitting on my bed while typing as opposed to sitting in a chair at my table.  

Still I got work to do.  Que the Vanessa Williams song, "Work To Do."

Vanessa Williams - Work To Do

Some Days

Some things I hope will improve with this day as the weather looks a mess. I thew out the garbage the moment there was a clearing.  Wish I had done that yesterday.  At least I didn't forget to tie it up last night, and was sure once today hit I was gonna have a hassle free trip to the bins.  Surprise.  So some days are predictable and easy, while others are a hot mess of surprises.  At least it didn't storm.

1/1/12. What a Man has to do.

Another "Charleston Sessions" post.

Happy New Year! I'm very happy for the prospects that a new year can bring. One must remember the love and support from last year and bring that into this year. The negativity can stay back in 2011. We're about looking forward, resolving what was not completed and feeling like a man should in the morning, evening and night. Love and take care of yourself. As a whole we must strive to be positive and keep things moving.

That's what men do. That's what we all do when we need to succeed in life.

From The Last Day of December 2011

12/31/11

Last day of the year with fifteen minutes left. Grandmom passed out at the dinner table. We called 911 for an ambulance. She had an imbalance and had to be carried back into the house. Everyone is worried. I'm happy she woke back up. Heartbreaking.

I did minimal writing and I knew that would happen. I forgot to blog up to this point in the night. Well this is why I'm working on this. Mind you, Granny's predicament took top priority in my head. I wish she didn't have to go through these upsets.

I will say I am happy to be done with 2011. It's been a rough year full of upsets. I'm happy NOT to have to look backwards. Looking forward to 2012. It will be a real game changer.

From My Holidays

12/30/11

Today was a day to run some errands. Promised myself to look up air purifiers to take with me back home. I had one but it died on me and ever since then my allergies and congestion have beaten me in the face. On top of that I wanted to help Mom with a few supplies. It's not bad but a new purifier costs a lot of money so I hope it does what it says it can. Otherwise I think 2012 will be rough.

I need to make sure I do a blog post. I regret not typing something earlier (it's 11:52 PM). I do know that before bed I want a written commitment. Did write a few lines for the current short story down today. It is not a loss, but rather a small victory.

Today

Today is not so bad at all and will work itself out. I find myself remembering that having faith in the future and well-being Leila get me through a lot of things. I thought I was missing a few things, like how can I get things done, BUT those skills and strength has been in me for a good while. It's time to bring that strength out.

Faux Pas or Get Your Peanut Butter out of My Mothertrucking Chocolate

Social networking is an interesting and viable channel to use.  After all, blogging allows us to speak and communicate with others.  As I use more and more features, I'm learning to cross pollinate.  Hence my Blogger posts go to the Twitter and Facebook feeds, etc.  Life is good.

Every now and then I come across a situation I can only call an underwhelming faux pas which is when someone uses say their Twitter feed to blast someone they're "friends" with on another social network.  How does one even go about trying to mend that fence? It's clear that someone forgot the other was on their feed (or perhaps they didn't). Is this how we want to conduct ourselves? I've noticed  time and time again someone with the gall to make a comment they think others can't see or interpret in a given feed. Is it shallow or pretentious?  It is, but that's besides the point.  Some see themselves as keepers of the just only for the moment when the odds are on their side.  They aren't  for the just when  truth, justice, or vindication is something that is difficult, long, and possibly not in sight at the moment to obtain.  In other words, instant gratification that is both shallow and pretentious.

For the record I'm not talking venting.  We all do that. Venting is (usually) not aimed at one specific person, but at a situation.  I'm talking I'm made at you on Facebook, so I'll tell my Twitter friends.  Or I"'m going to post some BS on FB and hope you can't (or can) read between the lines."  Really?

There are instant and private message features to resolve conflicts, or one could walk up to said person and have a conversation.  Many friends use the aforementioned time-proven methods, and it does make a bad situation better. All could be well in the universe with some consideration.  Should anyone have to deal with an ass-backwards person who in fact doesn't want to resolve the conflict, but egg it on?  Does this make me above or beyond this situation?  No. We're all human and make mistakes, but I feel I need to address this within myself and express my thoughts.

What I'm seeing more and more of is cyber cliques and some of them are trickier than others.  If one of the cliques feel bad on Facebook, they make sure to "code it up" on Twitter or what they think is code and pretend victim status.  When does that end?  When does being a douche allow for intelligent discourse?  Is it supposed to be intelligent, or was it made with the intent of not being caught?

Since I keep talking about "keeping it moving" that's what I need to do, but since I'm asking a question I wonder, should anyone tolerate such behavior?  Again, looking at this as being human, we all make these faux pas, and it would be unfair to want people to be perfect.  They do, however need manners.  Sometimes what we see is a taste of who people really are. Is this who we want to be next to?  Should we be mad and unforgiving over a few faux pas?

Perhaps we should ask ourselves if we're in the same situation, or see it happening more than once, then we already have our answer. It's not a faux pas then. That's outright piss poor behavior. How does one change this?  Keep it moving, and know that in spite of any transaction, you can always do better cause you know better.

The Congestion Factor

Over the weekend I did a lot of cleaning, and I was outside. In spite of taking my allergy meds, I believe my system was overwhelmed by the pollen, and the dust that came from cleaning.  Paying for that now with a vengeance.  I do think if I hadn't had the meds I'd still be in bed trying to recover. Congestion built itself up like I needed a surplus, and I don't. I have things to do, projects to work on.  If I can only give the minimum amount of attention, then that's what's gonna get done.  Besides the medicine,  drinking hot tea and water seems to help out tremendously.  Need to make something to eat soon.

Mellowing Out

I'm having a time with Comcast Cable this week. For some reason my bedroom box stopped working. Now free some over the phone help and switching out the box, it's been determined a tech person has to show up.

It's going to cost me $50.00 for the visit. Really? It was explained to me that this happened when a tech visits. Its a line issue as the signal can't reach the box. I'm more than a bit mad. Thought about seeing how long I can do without cable. Not my ideal goal but my back's getting to the wall.

Good Day, People!!!

Hello all,

Noticed a typo in the title that read "Good Dap, People."  Was tempted to keep it. Pleasant Freudian slip, if such a thing could exist.  I've made a few bad ones in the past. They are truly laugh out loud moments.  It's looking kind of warm outside.  Haven't been outdoors yet, but I can tell that my apartment has notched up a few degrees warmer.

Forgot to take my allergy medicine last night.  Nothing major happened, but I hate not keeping the routine. This is the difference between a productive me, and a seriously, hacking, and coughing me.  I have to remain vigilant.

Decided to chillax for a short while.  My brain's not working with the rest of me this morning.  Call it me not in tune with the world just yet. I'm needing my balance back.  Looking at finding a way to get my mind off of things.  Perhaps more soothing music will help.  Maybe breakfast will.  Need to get on the ball with that.

Still writing as usual, but with my brain on stuck, I need to get things in gear.  I hate that sensation of NOT having myself in order, but at the same time, I know I WILL get in order.  Life and happiness good to me.  Thank God. Let's keep things moving, shall we?

So the new question for today is, "how am I bringing myself closer to my goals and dreams."    

This is a New Day

One of the things I wanted to do today is keep writing.  Woke up to weird dreams, and keeping it moving. I don't want to repeat what I wrote on CINEs today so check out that post if you like.

I do need to update some old writing, and hope to find the time today to make that happen so I can get stuff done and onto the next project.  Still not using instrumental music when I type.  Listening to Lady Gaga at the moment.  I know some people don't care for her songs, but some of them are ok, fun and catchy.

Congestion is like mad at me this morning and sipping on some water. Will get some hot tea once I finish at least half of this bottle.  I'm going to need stronger allergy meds. I needed the water too.  Just gulped down nearly the whole bottle.  I sense tea in my future when finish this post.

Erotic Fiction

Today is the day I say to myself, "I should or could try my hand more at writing erotic fiction." You can judge me, I don't mind. It wouldn't be the first or last time in my life. I am curious if I have what it takes to push myself in this direction. Writing in itself is rewarding, and I'm combining some things I like such as fiction, creativity, and sex.

I'm not pretending to be some great literary sage with the keys to the kingdom. Far from it. I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. I went out the gate running.

I'm being overly self-conscious about this topic. I worry too much over nothing. At the same time if I don't over-think the writing process too deeply, I will write stores, and all concerns (the angel in the room) will back off and stories get done (do not pardon the pun).  It seems every time I write/create naughty stories, good things tend to happen.  People read the material, and I get feedback. Am I onto something?  Can't think about it, just know my taboo themes work.  I'm curious if the goofy me will let the sensual me, take a drive at the wheel.  Curiosity, naughtiness, and straight up daffy humor.  It just sells itself, doesn't it?

So this is me stopping with excuses and writing more.  Who knows where this experiment will go.  Not 100% concerned with that. This is a challenge.  It may also be a fantastic flop on my part.

Longing for Longer Posts

In an effort to pump my blogs up once more, I'm looking at longer posts.  Began one already that's over one page long single spaced. It's still in the infant stages, and this time I'm looking for more quotable sources.  Also I'd like to work on a second longer post for film reviews.  One at a time I suppose.  Should keep my notebook ready, just in case I'm inspired.  Also more themed writings.  I've seen several films but let's talk about something specific about them now.  So a new chapter of writing begins.

Looking for ways to use citation and NOT be too long a post.  You see, I'd like for the new cinema post to have a bit more bite than I'm used to writing.  This means looking up sources. If I used them, I want to cite them, but since this is not an academic paper or an article I was wondering how in depth I would need to make the citations.  Certainly I want to give credit where credit is due.

Perhaps if I allude to the sources instead of directly quoting them.  I will for sure include info of the title and info I can for people to look up the parent source. For example, I am referencing the movie, and I do give information on the movies. Why not any essays, articles or books?  This is a work in progress, but I need to make some adjustments to my writing style as my demands increase.  

Get Your Imagination On: Clash of The Titans

Get Your Imagination On: Clash of The Titans

Wonder Woman: Where in the Name of Hades is this Book Taking Us?

Wonder Woman: Where in the Name of Hades is this Book Taking Us?

A little cross-promotion here.  :)

Bruised But Not Broken

This is the song of the day.  Listening to Joss Stone and this is my favorite song from Introducing Joss Stone. It represents all the struggles a person can go through, and watch them dust themselves and get back into the swing of things.

Been writing a lot of late. Need  to keep up the momentum because writing gives me a lot of joy and I have some new fiction and non-fiction I'm trying to complete.  I gotta keep dedicating time and energy to my craft. If I don't get it right now, I will work on it tomorrow.  I'm that person.  I'm bruised but not broke.

Need breakfast now.    

The Allergy Post

These are the days I miss not having insurance because over the counter allergy medicines are a mixed bag.  I've tried several of them and none of them really work like prescribed meds. Several that should have done the trick didn't.  needless to day having meds that are 24 hr don't work nearly as good as the ones that work 12 hour.  Needless to say my allergies and congestion beat on me and defy the 24 hour meds. So now I'm back to the 12 hour stuff because I got better results with them.  The end result is some relief until I get insurance back. Being unemployed sucks wild cat ass.  Let's hope a remedy is down the pike soon. Allergies just know how to turn up the dial on discomfort.

Brief not Briefs

No I'm not typing in my undies or talking about undies for that matter.  Typing this as I listen to Faith Evans' "Reasons,"which is my favorite song by her. Can listen to it all day.    Working on some longer writing pieces this week and it's getting the majority of my time.  Not cooking today, but I may marinate some spareribs today if they thawed out.  Will par boil them tomorrow if I do the marinade today. 

I have a series of short posts I'm calling The January Sessions, which are writings I didn't post for whatever reason.  Look out for them real soon.  As I said, I'm a little busy and I need to get some stuff done, like now.  

P.S. Put in an application for an office manager position and hope something comes from it.  Till then, all one needs to do is keep it moving.       

Lazy Monday Morning

Today started with me waking early and not wanting to get out of bed.  I did everything I could to stay asleep.  needless to say none of it worked.  My mind was alert.  What did I do to remedy this?  I played on my cell phone. Checked emails for any potential job responses, and looked on Twitter and Facebook, then check news. I might as well get out of bed, and see what I can do to start this day.  Writing's starting today with this post.  I feel that it's good to work on something as simple as a blog post.

I didn't do much of any writing yesterday besides blog posts, and I wish I put more time into working on projects.  The least I could have done is read something.  I did watch Breakout Kings, which seems to be my current Sunday show.  Game of Thrones starts next week Sunday, so I know there are two shows I will keep up with.

Did managed in my time yesterday to complete an application for a position of office manager.  I'm hoping for the best.

Joyride

Decided I needed to get out of the apartment, so I got up and took a ride.  It was initially supposed to be a trip to the grocery store, but since it was so early, and I didn't plan on anything other than buying food, I took a drive. It cleared my head of the cobwebs, and got me relaxed and I enjoyed that quick getaway.  Now I'm back home and by my last post you know I'm cooking.  I'm praying Sunday stays productive.

This Week's Menu

In an effort to save some more money it's time to prepare a menu for the week.  I hope to have three meals that last at least two days each. On a good note I came under my budget for grocery shopping today.  That's even better as it's near time to pay bills, and boy is the money tight!  I looked for sales on everything, and didn't go near my typical maximum allotted amount.  It could have been an ugly situation in the store today with me cringing at the cash register, embarrassing myself. Thank God

This week's menu is:

• Pork roast with cranberry sauce.  Baby spinach and broccoli and cheddar
• Okra with shrimp, wild rice and salad
• Baked chicken, salad and wild rice.  

This should cover this week's worth of meals starting today.  Pork roast is in the oven now.  It will be in there for 1 hour and 40 minutes.  Should be nice, tender and juicy.

I thought about doing a Chuck roast, but I don't want to just yet.  let me see how I feel after the Okra and shrimp meal.

Rise

Yesterday I did some late night tweets on the death of Trayvon Martin who was slain while walking home. He was accosted for nothing more than the fact that he was a black youth.  His killer was not charged and it appears a proper investigation wasn't done. Needless to say there's been huge press coverages as this case grows.  Outrage and disgust barely touches what's rightly coming from so many people.

What I'd like to address is how society still has a long way to go in order to banish racism, and how racism flourishes to this day. We have many so people of color who've been maligned, marginalized, discriminated against, not for their actions, but the color of his and her skin.  Some people are in jail or in their graves early due to the unleashed hatred and racist behaviors they used to oppress and destroy.

There are unspoken rules/attitudes about people of color "knowing your place," and not having the right to assert our rights as human beings.  Even further many don't believe that people of color can be articulate, educated, professional, and demanding.  We're all supposed to fit a stereotype and statistic. It's hardly fair and its hardly an ideal society.

When my mother arrived in Charleston, SC it was acceptable for people to call her "nigger" to her face.  In the process of obtaining her education she had to deal with instructors who didn't want to be bothered with black students. My mother imparted this to us, her children so we knew what her life was like and how we had a lot of obstacles in our paths as young men.  It's amazing to me that we've come so far in life, but it seems like the same actions repeat themselves in a day and age when the President of the United States, Mr. Barack Obama is a black man, and still respect that's due to all is given to only a few.

For my own experiences I've been the recipient of racism and discrimination many times.  These are the moments people try to steal my humanity and dignity with their actions.  The amount of lies, hatred, deceit, and pain some caused with their actions don't register with them, because some really show that they don't have to respect or treat me and others on a level with themselves.

What can any of us do in the face of this indignity?  We persevere, keep it moving, maintain our goals, and provide examples and encouragement for ourselves, each other, and the next generation. We are all people.  We are all beautify, and God willing we will rise above those who try to constrain and oppress us with their hate.  

Sleep Denied

Have not been sleeping well for the past few days, and last night was no exception.  At least my body had the decency to fall back asleep after waking up in the middle of the night.  I wonder how long this will play out.  I know there's a nap in my future.  I must claim and act upon it.  Yesterday was uneventful, other than last post's haircut mention.  At least I look good being tired.  I gotta get some writing done today.  Even if all I do is a half a page, I want something done today.

I dunno if I'll cook tonight.  I'm simply not with ideas or the mood, but its so early, I best not over think this.  I do have some leftover chili (spicy).  I'll see whats in the fridge and have a potluck.

The Hot Mess Post

I got a haircut today.  Needed to get up earlier than normal and surprise I didn't want to get up and I did what I had to do to get things done.  I like the cut.  Looks good, and professional. I always feel like a new man after a cut.

Yesterday I slept poorly and didn't sleep to late that night. It ruined my creativity.  I'm trying to get my head together to get this post done, but I'm a hot mess.  Let's see if I fare better tomorrow.

On the Menu

Today I'm making steaks.  They are thin cut ribeyes (they were on sale), and they've been marinating overnight. Will make them with some sauteed  veggies (onions, bell peppers, and mushrooms). Will make some snap peas to go along with this and a mixed green salad.  I should be pleasantly full for the next two days.

Not spending too much time blogging since I have to write, read, and cook today. I have some things I need to catch up with and complete. I feel that writing on a regular basis is highly important to keep my mind in the game.  I can tell you yesterday's movies was Clash of the Titans (1981 version), and Kill Bill Vol. 1.

Yesterday: It Went Before Monday, But Stuff Happens

Yesterday was about running a few errands then relaxing. It felt good. Jotted down plenty of notes for ideas on or stories, which is not a bad thing in my book. Was more than grateful I didn't have the blahs I typically get on Sundays. Used to working during the mornings on Sundays, but that's over with. Looking for some silver linings here. Used the time to reflect on my life and keep up my creativity.  Contemplated a lot of ideas yesterday and how to implement them.

Yesterday was also about not turning the TV on. I really wasn't keen on watching anything. Didn't even feel like gaming. Mind you, I'm not moping. That blah feeling typically has me feeling down and defeated. Not Turing the TV on has me thinking of ideas and concepts. I get this pleasant exchange for not killing my brain cells with too much television programming that does nothing but distract me with banality.  That's not to say its all bad.  A lot of it really is not for me.  

Yesterday I had some chicken wings and I swear pieces of meat always gets caught between my teeth. Got the floss and toothbrush and worked that out. Literally.

Monday is a Monday

Take the title as you will. I hope my Monday turns into a productive one in spite of feeling a tad bit drowsy.  Speaking of drowsy, I mustn't forget to take my allergy meds.  I cannot afford to have congestion creeping on me. One year it did and it was more than just ugly. Thankfully that hasn't happened in a long time. 


I need to write, and this the my start of the writing day. I felt like I've been in a sort of fog and trying to sort my way though life and creativity.  It gets dense sometimes. Thankfully I don't stop praying or believing things will improve for the better. Can't kill a dream or spirit. I work harder to keep myself going. Never give in or surrender while I have the skills to survive.      


Thought about taking a drive to escape for a moment or two and get outside of the comfort zone. Don't know where I'd go, but it may be nice to go somewhere and relax or read for a while. I'll think more on this.  

My Lovely Sleep-A-Holic Fantasies

Today was one of those days where I woke up early, turned on the TV, and fell back asleep.  Resisted the urge to do anything, and I felt like it was worth it.  Then I stumbled out of bed.  I hope this is DST effects and nothing more. I'm needing to use that time for my own projects. Never give up.    

Well I'm supposed to be writing, but found myself gabbing and laying in my favorite chair feeling like a champ.  I know that's not the way to get things done, and after doing some half-assed inspiration for a new concept last night, I was grateful I placed it in my notebook.  That reminds me to put the "available" pen back in its proper spot, since I removed it and have it in the wrong place now.

Was laughing with a friend about some ups and downs and the many good things that happen in life, which in itself is a good thing.  Yesterday I did take a few pictures that I said I would use as inspiration in part for stories and screenplays. I dunno what I have yet, but I know I liked the images.  This is the start of something exciting.  Theme is important, and I'd like to see me work closer with my ideas and themes.

Seeds

Well it was another night at my place with me looking at ways to be more productive. Today is picture taking day as I'm looking to take inspiration from my everyday surroundings.  This should be a creative and inspiring challenge.  Let's see if the seeds of a story will germinate.  Also had a weird dream I added to an idea I had late last night.  Might as well keep that in my notebooks.

I skinned my thumb yesterday.  Did it sting like crazy, and continue through last night.  I was like, stinging go away, and it was like, YOU go away. The things I must put up with tolerating.  I suppose I should be more mindful of what I'm doing to prevent little accidents like this from happening.

I Didn't Mean To Turn You On

For those in the know the song "I Didn't Mean To Turn You On" was recored by R&B star Cherelle in the 80s.  It was later covered by Robert Palmer, and I love hearing both versions of the song.  The song happens to be on my playlist at the moment.

Today the water was cut off by by the apt complex so that a pipe could be fixed.  That was supposed to happen at 9:30 Am but instead happened at 12:00 right after I fixed myself an omelette and nibbled on it.  Was ready to wash dishes and knew better. I have some saved water but would prefer to only use it if the need arises.

Speaking of Cherelle, "Saturday Love" just came on.  Love this song.  Ah memories of youth flow through my mind. When did I get old? Don't answer that. All things must change and my time came and went.  In the mind to write something and the blogs posts are merely the appetizer for the warm-up writing, and I need to go read some stuff for friends that I didn't get done cause I'm a slacker sometimes, and I never seem to get myself together like I used to.  Gotta change this outlook, cause I'm more than capable of handling things.

Need For Sleep

Last night was a bit of a hot mess for me, because I didn't get any sleep last night.  I woke early with odd dreams, that quite frankly made me feel uncomfortable. I hate those kind of dreams because for the most part I could not decipher them past how they made me feel.  I dunno what my mind attempted to tell me.  Needless to say that I was up and it was still dark outside.  I resisted the urge to turn on the TV, closed my eyes, and prayed that I fell asleep.

Got up out of bed after hearing a lot of commotion outside and stumbled out of bed, and began my morning with some correspondences.

Yesterday was about submitting a couple of applications, and my resume for some positions.  I can only keep my fingers crossed that I get a call for either one.  Needless to say having a decent job would not be bad at this point. A brother needs a job.

Did little writing, and that's being addressed right now since blogging is the first step in getting my mind on writing.

Clean, Clean, Clean

For the last couple of days I decided I did not like the way my apartment looked, and decided to do something about it. I felt mighty blue for the past few months and it reflected in my chaotic surroundings.  While it doesn't matter that it got mess, it does matter to me that it not stay this way. I decided I should do this one spot at a time and organize the area.  yesterday was the coffee and end tables along with the couch.  Today was my chair, ottoman, dinner table and TV stand/area.  Tomorrow will be the open area near the dining room.  Right now it's not so open, but filled with junk.  Gonna tackle it with gusto.  Soon the entire are will be cleaned, and looking great.

It's nice to see areas so clean and functional.  No walking over items or stumbling. Maybe this is reflective of my life, moving on up towards better things. God only knows.

The next debate will be whether to tackle the bedroom first or kitchen.  So long as I get ride of the excess junk, and keep the essentials.

P.S. I need to replace one of my dining chairs, but at the moment I'm not with the money to do so. :(   Time will improve this situation as well.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Yesterday was all about editing, or as a professor once said in class, "writing is rewriting."  That's no lie.  This story's getting a healthy does of attention.  As stated before, I know I have the start of something good with this short story, however the true work and challenges lie in the revisions. I wish my writing was perfect from day one, but that never happens. Revise, revise, revise.

When I read the story aloud, several spots came of as awkward or repetitive phrasing. That killed the flow of what I wanted to convey so that needs mad smoothing. I insisted on completing the read through/revisions one page at a time.  When I was done, I reread my notes, then gave it an overnight cool off period.  

I didn't get to my second story as I would have liked to.  I'm going to have to slow my pace and ambitions.  If I did a paragraph yesterday, it would make my slacking off a little more digestible.  Not write a great paragraph, but an ok paragraph. I'm making it a priortiy to get things done today.  If I have to cut the TV off and no games, that's what I will do.

Well, Well, What Have We Here?

Yesterday I looked over and edited a short story I wrote a few months ago. Did it need editing?  Oh yes it did. I had way too many grammatical mistakes. I started with one read/edit where I only looked for my typos only with a pen and a highlighter.

Originally, I presented this story to others in my writing seminar as was our assignment. We read each other's stories and gave feedback. For my part, I should have placed far more effort into this project to eliminate the typos. One or two typos would be a mistake.  Several typos and tense mixing looks completely haphazard and is the hallmark of the complete novice. In other words, a hot mess.  For the record I have graduate classes under my belt. There are high and reasonable expectations placed upon graduate students and their materials. I don't find my typos a simple mistake, but rather me not getting my writing up to par with my graduate studies skills.

Did I think I wrote a good story? Yes I did, but it went no further than me getting feedback about it. I thought I worked on a story that was a bit stronger than my usual writing, and more direct using the various exercises I learned in my writing seminar. What I should have done is put a little more effort into the final presented product. This would have made for a more polished presentation in regards to the story.  I think the idea,  the mood, and the energy that my short story conveyed, however I fumbled the delivery.

Initially I thought, while editing,  "I'm too close to the material to see it as something I could work towards improving." This was an odd statement, as I've written papers and edited them within the same week. What did was capitalize on my procrastinating skills, which is to say I didn't think it was important enough to do the revisions immediately. Yes a couple of months gives me fresh eyes to revise, but had I corrected the story, say a week from time of the feedback, the story could have been shelved, then tweaked once again. I wasted time.

I did work on other projects, but not at a frequency I think I'm capable of.  Other stories need writing and other stories need attention.  My blog needs postings.  I can say this is the topic of today, which means I'm writing once more. Needless to say, you can take someone out of graduate classes, but you can't take the graduate studies out of the person. It's time to honor those skills with a fresh revisions, and  continued writing. That would make me a lapsed hot mess.  This has been good writing today.

Where Is This Day Taking Me?

It's one of those days when I woke up and I can't get myself together. The plumbing is still being worked on the adjacent apartment, and the noise cannot be ignored by any stretch of the imagination.  It contributes to my disorientation.

Will eventually scour the internet for some new jobs and write some more.  Yesterday I tried coffee after months of not using it.  I had a sharp headache afterwards which made me rethink drinking coffee again.  It's back to drinking hot tea for me, which produces no headaches.

Need to get cracking on laying out ideas and stories, doing my writing exercises so that I can get back to being focused.  Will dig up some old essays to see where I'm going with a current idea.  I feel a bit aimless, but I did wake up sleepy and unfocused.  Best to start with today and see where it leads me to.

The Unnatural Alarm Clock

Today while being totally lazy and not wanting to get out of bed (and the room was cold to boot), I decided to get up and write.  It was the productive and wise thing to do.

When I rolled out of bed, the crudest, loudest sounds came from the next apartment.  They're fixing the plumbing. While fixing the plumbing makes life better for everyone involved, the sounds are so damn loud and intrusive that it makes the situation a bit unbearable as my floors rattle, and its loud as all get out.  It's a little too intense for the start of my day.

What can one do, but write? I work through the good and the bad and it ain't a pretty situation.  

Today

I'm up. Made my bed and loafing about. Will start writing soon. After getting stuff down on paper I'm gonna make some dinner.

Late Night Dinner is Better Than No Dinner

Last night I completed a pot of spaghetti that was more than good. It was delicious, and I am happy that I decided to cook.   For the sauce I used garlic, onions, mushrooms, salt, fresh cracked pepper, bay leaf, Italian seasonings, oregano, parsley, crushed rosemary, basil, ground  chuck, and Italian sausage (hot).  Yeah, I seasoned it well.  

I started more than late cooking, and my meal was done by 10:00 PM. I wanted to loaf and not be bothered with the activities of the day such as preparing a meal. In spite of my desire to loaf, I promised myself that I would make a meal as opposed to going to get fast food. Cooking was worth the time, in this instance. Now I had a meal that I can enjoy and relax. I don't have to cook today, and I don't have to buy fast food. I saved me some money.

Writing

I am most fortunate this morning as I managed to get my writing exercise completed.  I am more than tempted to try another to keep the juices flowing.  I need  to put a break in the middle of this cause I want to edite a short story I should have edited a while back, but was too lazy to get off my duff to do.  After than some edits for a friend. I'm looking to get myself writing every day and keeping up with at bare minimum two 20 minute exercises and edits.

I need to be a bit more stronger in the writing department and keep myself going so that things work and flow better for my writing. Also I need to make sure that I am keeping my mind active with something positive and constructive.

Learned that listing to instrumental music helps my brain out a whole lot when it comes to writing. Of late listing to my regular play lists has me singing and bobbing my head to the beats.  Not typing just me enjoying some music.  perhaps I need to set aside some music time to enjoy some of the songs.  

Dream Soup

Woke up with a mix of odd dreams I have yet to decipher. My mind is a playground of thoughts. I made my bed up in the morning for a change. Need to do some warm- up writing, and I'm plucking an idea from this jumbled dream soup I had. Food and sleep have been good to me.

Late Morning Sleep

I didn't want to get up. Found myself sleeping on the couch off and on as Law & Order: Criminal Intent marathon. At least I can say I am rested. It felt good to sleep. It felt good to wake up from sleep, thank God.

One of Those Days Part Two

I fell asleep as predicted. Woke up a few times yet I fell back asleep with no problems. Noticed it was 5:40, and some was very clear to me. It hadn't gotten dark yet. Typically by 5:30 it looks like night. It's 6:08 and there is still visible sunlight going on. My guess is that the seasons are ready to change.

Stepped outside and it is COLD! Most of winter consisted of very warm days. Thank God I had on a fleece. I saw someone outside with no sleeves and he was coughing with one of those congested sound coming from the chest. Maybe be should grab a sweater. Maybe he likes the cold.

I did go to the mailbox and noticed some parts of the walkway people failed to pick up behind their pets leaving the sidewalks nasty as all get out. Really people? Why make your mess other people's mess?

Surprise, surprise I have mail. Bills actually. Did I need to see those? Well at least I can address them now.

One of Those Days: Part One

NOTE:  As I attempted to get this post completed, I ran into complications as the color of the text and font size were out of order. All that can go wrong will go wrong.  


It's one of those days when I need to take the allergy meds and this is a new brand. Inevitably I get a little sleepy and them I lay on the couch and pass out for a short while. La-la land is in my future.

Today I was not productive but for the fact that I chatted with family and friends. Laying on the couch cements my time as a guy who loathes Saturdays for being lazy time. I make myself type this entry before dozing off. I will get some writing done today.

Speaking of writing, I failed to post my "Charleston Sessions" on my blog. I believe I talked myself out of it, which is pure blog fail on my part. That will have to change. Was worried about the mail today, like something will happen if I miss it, but it's not like that. Will endeavor to mellow out more. I feel like a fool.

Sleep is upon me. I feel my thoughts drift elsewhere. My left eye is heavier than the right eye. I don't want to do anything but right now but close them and relax until I drift off. Even my right arm rebels with this sensation of lifting bricks to type this. Madness.

Work It: Forget the Other Stuff

Today is the first of  four warm-ups.  This one will be simple, as I intend to get a lot of writing-related projects done.  I have a lot of editing/revising to do so I know I’m down for that.  Got my playlist ready based off of the song “Yo Mister” by Patti LaBelle.  It should prove to be fun an unpredictable as I’m using the iTunes Genius feature today.  If that fails I’m going to have to listen to gaming scores. 

One thing that I realize is that I’m going to have to work harder at my writing.  It won’t fall into my lap completed, you know.  I need to get my act together if I want o be part of the solution as opposed to mentally talking myself down from the projects.  I will not be ruled by fear and intimidation of what has not even taken place.  I’m more than capable of taking on the task. 

For the record I have been writing posts and been slacking off on posting them.  I need to get those done as well.  So here’s to me getting my work done.  It’s sorta like homework, but more fun, and with deeper persona satisfaction. 

Stay Blessed, peeps.  

P. S.  I may need to change to gaming scores cause I want to dance to the songs.  Patti and prince make a potent combination.  

My Hunger Game

Morning has finally decided to show up and let me know that I need a meal.  This means cooking something cause Ii don't have any bread in the house for toast.  Hell, I don't have a toaster.  I know that I need something to eat. I'm gonna have a meal, and that can't change.  Maybe an omelette?  Life is good.  Why not share it with others.

Jussoukno

It’s been a long day, and I should not feel like, life is meh.  I’m better off instead being grateful, I’m not bitter and hateful.  That I am loved and blessed, where others are stressed, and can’t pass the many tests life throws our way.  Sometimes, it just ain’t my day, and I cave into my despair.  Gotta get stop being down, my life is strong. I’m not leaving town.  Till I say so.  Just so you know.

Keep It Moving

It's been a while since my last post. Been working on some short stories this month. Very pleased with the progress. Latest story pushed me out of my comfort zone. It's amazing to make this progress.

Recover The Day, Peeps

Trying to get myself together but yesterday was feeling light-headed. Don't know what exactly happened, but I'm feeling better today. Here is to getting stuff done today that I missed while laying down.

12/30/11 - Small Victories

Today was a day to run some errands. Promised myself to look up air purifiers to take with me back home. I had one but it died on me and ever since then my allergies and congestion have beaten me in the face. On top of that I wanted to help Mom with a few supplies. It's not bad but a new purifier costs a lot of money so I hope it does what it says it can. Otherwise I think 2012 will be rough.

I need to make sure I do a blog post. I regret not typing something earlier (it's 11:52 PM). I do know that before bed I want a written commitment. Did write a few lines for the current short story down today. It is not a loss, but rather a small victory.

Writing Again

SO today I had one of my usual awakenings where I simply play on Facebook till I fully decided I should be out of bed.  What I spotted on FB today caught my eye.  A link from one of my fan pages to  a writing contest.  What's so special about that?  Well I've been in a creative slump, and I thought it might be fun to explore the concept.  So I got up, checked out more details on the laptop and began writing.  The contest has  a 2,500 word cap so I'm working with that.  It's finished for step one which is the rough draft.

It's time for a cooing off period and then I'll edit later. It's really nice to be fun an excited about a project.  For a brief time I was so caught up in the story I forgot about any woes and hardships I'm under. I really want to see if I could make of this story/concept.  It needs a lot of work but I still have time.    

Life in the Post-Nasal Drip Lane

All the darn time I have to deal with a condition called post-nasal drip.  It has a host of nasty side effects.  one of them is that sensation of choking and triggering my gag reflex all the time.  Needless to say that dry heaving convulsion is never a good feeling.  Imagine having to do that three times within a 20 minute span.  Also it does produce a lot of mucus, which in itself is gross.  Mucus that builds up behind the throat will produce a offensive odor as well.  Yes this is gross, but its things people live with.  This is on top of my allergies annoy the hell outta me.

In the past I consulted my doctor and my dentist about what's going on.  The dentist informed me if I'm brushing, scrubbing the tongue, and using mouthwash, then its possible post nasal drip.  The doctor gave me some meds that worked to an extent.

This condition can be regulated with medicines. Congestion meds do work well to thin out the mucus and clear out the nasal passages.  For instance, Mucinex D can help a whole lot. It's needed cause on top of gaging, choking and offending people can get pretty discouraging.

On top of this biological drama I decided to do an experiment.  One of them was watching my coffee intake.  Why you ask, because I used to drink venti lattes and frappes from Starbucks daily.  never mind the cost. I was a full on committed drinker.  Furthermore,  I drank coffee at home. A large cup of it to start off my day, and it was good.

When I was fired from SCAD I decided that I didn't need to go to Starbucks.  I noticed that my post-nasal dripping was calming down.  I was like where did the congestion go?  Mind you, Starbucks is not causing the PND.  I just have an aversion to the coffee-based drinks.  This weekend I decided to stop drinking regular coffee at home.  I wanted to see if I could do it, which I could.  Next I wanted to observe any upsets I would have after trying coffee today.

Without the coffee, it seemed that the the PND was not flaring and trying to make me hate life.
After my cup of coffee I started coughing, hacking, gaging and having excess mucus. All of the symptoms of post-nasal drip came back to me with a vengeance.  Let me tell you, I could not get to the Mucinex fast enough. It was horrible.  Sadly this means coffee is off the list of hot drinks.  Hello tea, please don't beat the crap outta my kidneys.  

The Comfort Zone

For those not in the know I originally named the blog after the song by Vanessa Williams.  Later down the line I knew that would change, but at the time blogs were a new thing and I was looking for a good name.  BTW that's the song that was playing while I typed this entry.  I love nostalgia.

This is about trying to get some writing done and feeling often that it can't be done.  Wrote out two pages of script today and I know I can do more.  I need to at least grab my outline (what did I do with it) and follow the plan I laid out for the story.  Now I see the need for an outline. I need to get at least a few more pages done and I will feel like I wrote today.

Contemplating tomorrow's dinner.  It will either be gumbo or field peas.  These two are at extremes, but at the same time I haven't visited the grocery store yet, so I better think about it and get a list done so I can grab all I need and leave.  I really need to stick to the list and make sure I get what I need for the week as opposed to going back multiple times.

breakfast for the upcoming week must be decided as well.  I really want some French toast and sausage and some real maple syrup.  Not every day so I will have to think of an alternative.

Lazy Morning

Trying to get out of bed. Typically I'm wide awake.  Got up early, then went back to bed.  I needed the sleep. It was so worth the extra sleep.  My mind is a little random which means I am just waking up.  Thought about what's for dinner today, and I am not cooking or least I dunno if I'm cooking. I don't want to go to the grocery store without mulling what I want over.  Today may be take out Friday.

Un-Make A Mess?

My place is a mess and I have yet to clean it.  I do have time today to do so, but I've put one foot into the loafing zone, which I should know better than to do, but I did. Well I need to make some breakfast so I may do some scrambled eggs and sausage.  Really don't feel like putting the effort up.  Did make some coffee which I'm sipping on now.  Hopefully I will break free of my meh-ness and work these rooms like a pro and get my food cooked and eaten.

No need to make anything for dinner.  It's really a left over night.  Must keep up with drinking more water than other types of drinks. I say this as I notice I do consume a lot of sugar-based drinks, juices and sodas.  I want to balance my system out more than I have been, so that requires me to express due diligence so hooray to water and it's wonderous properties. I'm also writing to get my writing motor running, and we know five sentences is my minimum.

Best wishes to all.