I’ve come to the conclusion, that me writing can be very vulnerable. When I break it down, with my true writings, thoughts/concepts, I feel naked, embarrassed, and ashamed. I feel a whole lot dirty, guilty, and my thoughts, they sometimes excite and frighten me. The endless possibilities and concepts that lay hidden in my head stay untold because I keep holding back.
As an artist, I have to open up to release my inhibitions so that I may express my ideas with confidence and clarity. I must stop worrying about what people may or may not think.
How can I know what’s on everyone’s mind? How can everyone’s thoughts be so important to me? I don’t know everyone, and I don’t always agree with the people I know. What makes me fear my own thoughts?
True writing for me is me writing with no audience in mind. It’s all about me getting my thoughts out on paper. Release the muse. Be free of all that constrains me.
I ask these questions, because I feel the next step is to take that leap of faith.
I suppose I don’t want to be labeled as something or someone who may or may not be deviant. I don’t want to be that freak that people thumb their nose at. I can’t stand people passing judgment. I don’t want to be hated, or so loved I’m precious as glass. I don’t want to be feared or misunderstood. Mind you, it happens all the time in my life.
So I need a thicker hide for those to kiss who have something negative to say.
2 comments:
I rather like the idea of having a thicker hide for the kissing. ;)
I think we've been socialized to think the way do. We're taught to go to church so that we will know salvation and to the greater extent, God.
We're taught that good boys and girls are polite and obedient. But no one ever tells us how to handle the darker things that lurk from within us. I think it's because no one wants to look within themselves and face the dame questions.
I think you make peace with the darker aspects of yourself instead of suppressing them. In understanding them, I think you understand yourself better. I guess this is just my long winded way of saying that you're not the only person who has a dark side worth exploring and that there isn't any shame in wanting to do so. You're still a responsible and decent person.
Now I must unlearn what I have learned, because good southern men don't discuss these types of things. They just do them and pretend they're Victorian.
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