Is It Wrong...

That I haven't even finished my screenplay, and I have a sequel in mind.  LOL   A deliciously twisted, bastardly story.   What can I say, I don't want to repeat myself, and at the same time I can expand on the characters.  Doing more research and writing.  I still have a lot of work to do.   Must get hopping, but the same time i don't want to overwork the script.    May stay up late tonight.  

The Gentleman Has Arrived

Forming some plans.  Clearing the path.  About to make my moves.   I feel like a star shining so brightly.  I need to get things done, and I feel that I have a clear direction.    Don't underestimate me.  It may not be right on the firsth shot, but I keep getting better with time.   You don't know me yet, but I know that intend on getting things done, and not worrying over what could be.    

A Bottle of Water Per Day...

I notice that I have ideas pour into my head after I drink a full 24 oz of water, or 48 oz. I must be pushing all the sugar and caffeine outta my system, and it permits me to think more freely. I must keep this up if I am to maintain a high amount of writing time. I want to win, with the best performance I can give my craft. If water gives me the edge (maybe it doesn't do a damn thing at all), I'll keep it up.

The Near Mistake

Again I ignore my instincts, and did not act upon an idea I had.  I need to give a couple of characters some vices, or something to do.  Otherwise they are a bit of a a blah to write.   I don't know what, but they need something ASAP, and I am glad I am thinking about this now, because I have a moment or two to not have to regret not following up on my own insticts.  If anything, having faith in my ideas will enhance my writing.   Even if it's wrong it can be romed later, right?    

What is Cinema Studies?

For me and my Masters of Atrs (MA) degree, it's the study of film history, trends, and theories.   I also intend on having a concertration in screenwriting.   Why you may ask?  I love writing screenplays for film and television, so I want to have the film background while obtaining the crucial scripting skills.   One of my goals is to be a FT screenwriter in film and televison. 

Things I Do...

Had a bit of a brain freeze when it came to the screenplay.  Spent minimal time writing it over the weekend.   I did do some research, and feel bound to do more writing, but I do need to complete the reseach, which will help me further down the line.

Had the idea for another story.  Almost let the idea pass, but forced myself to write it down.  Began putting together plot points, and the story grew from there.   It's still raw, but that's where it needs to be.  

Just Do It!

Studying some of my old writing.  Noticed the looser I am in writing, the better I see necessary story elements.  I'm not thinking about it, I'm simply doing things.   I'm finding the conflicts, character and stakes in aborted stories.  So I need to remind myself constantly to not overthink and write my scenes.  Do not freak out, just do it!  

Writing is Rewriting

Manged to revise some of the pages I wrote.  I need to pull out the beat sheet so that I adhere to any new scenes.  Been worried that I'm overwriting.   Also I am having an issue with trying to say what type of body language to describe the characters with.  Getting a little fruestrated, but this is the first draft.  I reccomend more work on top of work.  Writing is rewriting. 

Things Not to Do

I am here to help and serve, and would appreciate it if people stopped to consider some things: 

Do not adjust yourself on the way to the desk:  We can see you.  The bathroom is not that far away, and we don't want to run for the hand sanitizer for every other person.

Speaking of bathrooms, please wash your hands after using it.   'Nuff said.   

Likewise do not pull your undies out of your crack.  We can see that too.   

Speaking of crack issues, please cover up your ass crack when bending over.  I'm sure it's drafty, and  who want's a cold back there?   A runny noes is difficult as it is.

Cover your mouth when you cough.    Do we really need to get you some tissues?  Seriously. 

If you have a nasty cough, stay home.  No one likes a germ spreader.   We can't make you take Robotussin, but if I could, I would.

When you ask a question, please try to get it one sentence.   It is not fair to stretch out simple words into five-six sentences, and you still have said nothing. 

Customer care begins with you.  Setting the tome is the best way to get favorable results.  I'm surprised by those who don't know this fact.

Customer care and service doesn't not mean "customer personal servant."

More Scribbling

So I’m writing, and it occurs to me that I am writing something that is more realistic, and not based on science fiction.  I’ve written many short stories that dealt with people and no sci-fi or fantasy elements in the past, so it’s not unfamiliar territory.  This time I am writing a comedy where I’ve given some characters some life, and it’s exciting to behold.  I’m inspired to write more.    

Waiting...

Just waiting for my mojo to jum up and take over.  I need to get some writing done, and this post is my warm-up exercise today.   Outside is not as cold as I thought.  Was going to cook, but decided to have take out today.  I don't feel like cooking.  I feel like relaxing a little and hoping to enjoy a movie or two.  I could use a glass of sweet tea with lemon.   I should have made pancakes for breakfast.   

More Scribbling, Another Issue

Trying to write more.  Feeling a bit intimidated by the scene and the characters.  In reality I am pussyfutting around the scene.  I'm not giving it my all.  I feel defeated, weak, and a little stupid.  First of all, I CAN write, so the fact that I am being such a baby about this annoys me.  Why am I trying  to fail myself?  Gonna take a litle break from it, and I do mean little.  I just may need to step back, but this hafl-stepping insults my intellegence.  

Hungry

It looks like its going to storm cats and dogs outside, and I am a little worried about that.   I forgot my slice of pecan pie when I left home.   I wants it.  LOL.  Been scribbling, which is not new.  About to get some grub and chow down.  Can I haz meal.  I want a chicken salad sandwhich.  lets hope its not as dry as they like to make it.  

And Now, Act II

I feel real happy about now.  I am ready to move onto Act II of my screenplay.  It's been a little rough for me, but during my break I was able to add a page or two to the script.  Even managed to backup my file (which you should ALWAYS do).  I slacked off a couple of times, but I got back on top of things.  

Scribbling

I had a good day last night as I tuned out of the internet and worked on my screnplay.  I was able to revise and add a few pages.   I love the fact that i was able to push forward because for a brife moment, I felt stuck.  Stuck is bad.  I could not reach a decision.  I made myself revise a couple of the pages.  I still question a couple of moments in the script but they had to be written in order for me to get past the rough spot.  

Pastels and Hulk

Played with the pastels while watching the Incredible Hulk film last night. It's pays a lot of homage to the TV show, and does not really tie into the first movie. I don't know if I like what I did with the drawings. Both images are unfinished. I shall post them when I'm done. The portait stares at me. LOL I feel compelled to work on it tonight.

Pastel Attack/Busy Weekend

I think I'll draw something this weekend. Something simple and off the cuff. I got some colored paper, and the pastels have been begging to be released. Yes, the free time has come upon me. Mind you, I have some more scripting to do. Also I came up with a new idea I quickly wrote down, and I want to make sure to develop it.

Nacho Disaster

Hello.  I wanted nachos last night, and now I had to PAY the price for my desire.   Something didn't agree with me last night, and while doubled over in pain, I found myself cursing the fact that I ate nachos.   Needless to say the nachos waged war on my poor tummy, and I felt miserable for the rest of the night.    It's all I will say about it.   All I will say.  Damn it!  

Inspired

I felt like writing more of my screenplay, so I did.  Don't want to think too deep on it.   Gotta let the ideas flow.  I hope to keep this up for the rest of the month.   I like that i was able to move past where I was, and able to make some connections.

Been obcessed with Avatar: The Last Airbender.  I looked at the material with keen eyes, and re-watched episodes.  I really want book 3 on DVD.   I'm gonna get it.   Rarely do i see writers who can blend drama and humor and reatin both elements without compromisng the other.  For example, when Toph teaches Aang Earthbending, and she breaks the rock with her head.   The look on Katara and Aang's faces is priceless.   Still Toph made her point about facing doen a rock.  The sister is bad!   

On Demand!

It's a slow night and its almost time for Law & Order, which I may not watch anyways.  They should have it on On Demand.  Have I mentioned that's one thing I LOVE about Comcast?  Hardly any NBC shows are on On Demand.  I guess I'll have to use Fancast or Hulu, but when I'm home I don't mind watching the TV.   Sometimes watching tv on the puter can be cumbersome.    Maybe I should rent a movie.  Something to pass the time.  

My New Year's Ambitions

I need to write something.  I'm feeling lame in the blogging department.  I have two new classes for the quarter.  The first is Scripting for Comics, the other is Research & Methodologies for Cinema Studies.   I'm gonna be busy, but I have to double my efforts becaues I ambitiously want A's for both classes.   I can live with B's, but it'd be nice to go higher than where I usualy am.  I wonder if I can hit a 4.0 GPA.  A bother can be ambitious, you know.    

Because I live for silliness.

Superheroes and their costumes.

Z is for Zeal

It's the passion I have for writing, and knowing that there are few words with "Z" that I could actively use.   Back on topic.  I do feel writing is an important part of my life, and I can only grow if I keep working towards getting better at my craft.  What did that mean?  It meant embarsing story structure, and learning a thing or two about how I am not right all the darn time.   It's a blessing to have zeal.  It's also a blessing to love something enough to accept changes. 

XY is for XY

XY is the chromosome for men. My screenplay focuses on a guy who's an ass and must redeem himself. It's been a tough sell at first, but it taught me to shed my reserve and conservative mindset. Can't be timid trying to complete a comedy. I still have a lot to learn, Writing can be fluid at times, flexible. Other times impassable.

The men in the story go through changes, some good, some embarrasing, some real blissful moments. The journey is really what counts, and I have to get it right or I'm in the wrong.

W is for Wishing

Sleeping in bed next to nothing wishing you were here with me
How many times must I have the same dream?
How many times must I wake,
And taste the bitterness of reality?
So I keep wishing you were here with me
Wishing to feel the heat of your body,
the touch of your soft skin,
To stroke your back and hair
With tender loving care
To fall in love with you over and over again.
For you my lady, I can't stand
The distance  between us
Call it desperation,  Call it love
But I've had enough of being apart. 
The phone calls ring untrue.
And emails won't do. 
Until I'm with you,
I keep wishing, wanting and waiting
For the comfort I once knew. 

V is for Vindication

For those not in the know, I took screenwriting this quarter.  It was one of those classes I was nervous about, in spite of being a writer.  Confidence was not my strongest suit in class.  Well I'm doing well because I won my professor over.  The prof believes in writng structure (see the books I wrote about in my last post).  I adhered.  I worked, I wrote.   I feel good about the final results.  It could have been one of those real bad experiences where I hate my experiences.   It's not. 

U is for Useful

I've read a few books and I want to share them with you because they are useful to writers.  The first is The Writer's Journey.  It gives the classic archetypes/structures of characters in stories.  My professor believes in this book, and wanted us to read it before class started.  It is a good book, and I love that it  makes sense to me. 

The next book is, Your Screenplay Sucks.  This book has been my friend as I wrote my screenplay.  It gave me a lot of good points and issues to look out for as I write.  For example, the word "is."  Try to find new ways to write a sentence without the word "is" in there.  For example, Caroline is walking towards her bed."  Try "Caroline collapses on bed."   Minimize your word usage.   Keep it simple.   Learn to cut words out.  You get the picture.  

T is for Tagline

A tag line or log line is telling your movie in one or two sentences. I wonder if I can do it in six words. I love a challenge.

S is for Scripts

It seems my writing mojo decided to keep in touch. I have a bit of a buzz as I write a screenplay for my class. Let me tell you, this has been a good journey for me. I need to keep myself going in the best way possible with the creativity. Before taking the class I did feel a little worried and apprehensive about it. I didn't know if I could produce thirty pages.

However, that voice in me that tells me that I should try the class won out. I feel now I have a chance to win at this class and turn in a dynamite script. It is a rated "R" comedy, and i intend to make the class blush from being obnoxious. I want to write more and more. I want a screenplay for every occasion, and story I see fit to write. I need to write more scripts in my life. It will make me feel good about my life. Not just rated "R." I'll take that "G," "PG" "PG-13," "NC-17" or "Unrated." I'm not afarid to change gears.

Like Mortal Kombat I want to rock a flawless for the final round of my class. Go me!

R is Realize

Have you ever had a moment where you paused, and felt like you need to make some things happen? I feel like that about now. It's like a dozen things I should get done and be ready for what comes my way. Call it a creative moment. Call it me hunch.

Q is for Quota

I wonder how many posts I will make this month. I always start off with good intentions, but fall off. To my defense, I have been busy with screenwriting and my lit films class. Seen so many film versions of Pride & Prejudice, that I think I need to get married now before my father passes, and the property goes to someone else. Damn you Darcy. Why do you irritate me? Lizzie and Jane, why do I care what happens to you in each freaking version of the film (even the Latter Day version)? Oh no, here comes Mr. Collins. :-( LOL

P is for Primeval

I love this show. Watching BBC America. They lured me in with dinosaurs, and I could NOT stop watching it. For some reason I love Helen Cutter's character. She's turned very amoral, and lethal. Some interesting sub stories developing, and I *don't* want to ruin it for anyone, so needless to say I like the show, dinos, and characters. One complaint a brother has, was for the hope of seeing more people of color on the show, and it looks like there is an attempt to do so. :-) I will stay tuned for the next season.

Did I mention that Primeval rules? ;-)

O is for October

This is my fave month but it is also a very transitional month. The weather changes from warm to cold. Leave change from green to ironically warm colors of red, yellow, brown and orange. Fall season brings new episodes of some of my fave shows. Sometimes I get new shows I can peak at. Sometimes I wish I had a DVR. I really do. My birthday has come and gone. It's a blessing. Needless to say I am grateful for a good month. I seem to have found my blogging spirit again. Where did go. Glad it came back.

N is for Next

As in the next time I have a negative experience I am going to change it into a postive.  Call it a learning tool.  A brother needs to get above the cure and stop thinking he doesn't have a chance.   I have all the chances in life.  I'm learing so much just by living.  I'm hoping to claim more postives before the week is through.  I need to get myself going on new projects. 

M is for Micro-Managed

This goes out to my angel in the room.  he tends to make things sweet and lovely.  he wants me to think about how my writing would be better if people didn't think I was a bit offbeeat.  Also proper people don't think left of center.  They fit in.  They belong with the rest of the crowd.  Am i the weed in the patch of roses?  

I look at this and I think that I am not a weed.  If the color is red, then I'd be blue.  Why?  I am me, and I should not make excuses for myself.  I should take risks that are good for my craft.  Can't play it safe when I know the unique voice is the one the angel hates.  So the angel does me a favor, and I read him wrong.  He questions my true impulses because he wants me to know they stand out.   He puts out the list of contraditory thoughts not so I can be normal, but so I know that it's unique.   

L is for Lars and The Real Girl

Lars and the Real Girl is a film that did two things for me.  1. It was not my typical type of movie (action/sci-fi/fantasy).  2. it's got a lot of charm and heart, and humor.  Where do I start.  it's about a guy who is painfully shy who develops a crush and relationship on a Real Girl.  I am being rather abstract here, because to say more is to ruin the movie for those who have not seen it.  I was pleasantly surprised, by how good the movie is, and how drawn in I became.  I would put it in my collection next to my Lord of the Rings.  Yeah, I'm bold about it.  

K is for Kitchen

I am making lasagna for dinner today and steamed vegetables. I started with the sauce, and I wanted to finish it, but it was late. I sauteed some onions (red and white), bell peppers, and mushrooms. The sauce I added oregano, Italian seasonings, minced garlic, a dash of sugar, salt, red pepper flakes, and bay leafs. I was able to add the sauteed veggies to the sauce, but that was it last night. I will brown the meat today, and I need to add some diced tomatoes to get the sauce to have some more liquid, cause now it looks like some rich vegetable stew.

J is for Justified

I like how I feel right now. It seems things are going in the right direction for me. Bills paid and a proactive choice was made to maintain a sense of balance over my finances. I'm in a program that wants me to be there without beating me over the head with preliminaries and conditional courses. I feel positive all over. While proactive will remain a goal, another will be to complete my graduate program.

I is for Incorporate & Infuse!

It occured to me that in order to give myself and my writing a better vision, I must incoproate elements of myself into my work.  I must infuse my stories from my life and culture.  I must think of the things that make my experience uniquely my own.   I need to get bet beter at respecting my thoughts and ideas as a solid whole aspect of me.  By extention, my writing is me.  There can be no more holding back.  To dare leave out the things that make me, hurts me.  it suggests that I don't like who I am, and this cannot be.  I love myslef and my life.  I will improve.  I will get better.   In order to take things to the next level, I MUST incoproate aspects of my life in my creativity.

H is for Help

I wanted to satrt this day off smooth, but work up to a burning red eye.  OMG Let me tell you, it was like someone threw some pepper in there.  It stung so much.  I was embarrased.  What made it so irritated.  Outside the temperature changed.  I didn't like that.   Ran for the Zyrtec.  Felt as sleepy as can be.  Went to class, and the lit films class is so cozy, I could fall asleep.  Watched the Bride of Frankenstean.  Hadn't seen that one in a LONG time.   ahfter a few headbobs, I managed to force myself to saty awake.  

G is for Graduate Program Change

Well it's official, I've changed my major to Cinema Studies. I don't have any preliminary courses, and I am grateful the program hasn't set any conditions on me. It's been a wild ride with graduate courses, but I feel that it is necessary that I make proper adjustments to my academic career as opposed to feeling powerless to help myself. I'm not going to dwell on my negative experiences, but rather look forward to an exciting change.

P.S.  Did I mention that there is no conditional review for me?  I only have to pass the candicy reveiw, which is required of all majors.   No extra work to deal with.  :-)  

F is for "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall this weekend. It is a laugh out loud film. I didn't think I would like this one, but I found myself laughing out loud at several moments of this film.  I love the Dracula opera song.   The film in a film stuff is great.  That parody of CSI is drop dead funny.   It's really so good silly fun.  Some people may be uncomfortable with the male frontal nudity (shown briefly a few times), but it really works in this film.   Symbolically it suggests a physical, mental and spiritual nakedness and vulnerability of the character.  Ultimately a freedom the character possesses.  Jason Segel is a brazen and smart actor.  I give him his props.

Mila Kunis' character is so likable and spirited.  I remember her mainly as Jackie from  that Seventies Show.   She gets to be a lot more mature, and contrast Jason's emotional character.  Russell Brand's rather sexually charged rock star persona is hilarious.  Even his sweet, sexy ballad is raunchy.   It just hurt to laugh so much.   See it/don't see it. It's up to you. Taste is mildly subjective.   I know I had more than a few good laughs that I needed.   Linked the web page for those who might have a passing interest. 

P.S.  Beetlebum will kill me for not mentioning  Kristen Bell, so I have to.  The Crime Scene parody made me laugh so hard.  Also her ability to entangle herself in relationships is interesting.   I liked her relationship with Brand and Segel's characters.   The I Hate Sarah Marshall blogsite is so funny!

E is for Easy Money

Went to Starbucks for a java chip frappichino. On my way back from getting my chocolate goodness, this dude asks me if I have a dollar. For the record, it is not cool to ask me if I have a dollar. If I had it, I would spend it on myself. Also it doesn't help that he asked the Starbucks attendant inside the building to exchange is four quarters for a bill.

Needless to say, I told him no, and kept it moving. Were I to have a dollar for all who asked, I would have the wealth of Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, and Donald Trump combined. I would be able to spare a brother some change, but still, if charity and hustle is all you can do, then a brother's going to need a J-O-B.

D is for Determined

I am determined to get my classwork and life managed with a high amount of success.  I needed a "break day" to digest so many things and Now I need to get in gear as I work a LOT harder on my lit films and screenwriting class.   A brother is tired.  Yes he is.  So Let's see if I can get the research done for the screenplay.   I really need a full uniterrupted day to get it done. 

C is for Confusion & Chinese

For the past few days the temperature dropped at night.  It was cool and I needed the heat in the car on.  I forgot this every moring, riding on my way to class.  Well, needless to say in the warm weeather I was like, "why am I feeling so hot."  By time I thought of the question, it dawned on my that i did not change the car's thermostat back to cool.   So my lovely duh moment hit me like a brick. 

Planning to get Chinese food for dinner. I simply won't be cooking tonight.  

B is for Birthday

It was yesterday, but what the hell. I love my life, and feel blessed that God has given me a chance to see another year. I didn't do much for my birthday because I had a busy class and work schedule. I did manage to get to visit the family the previous week, which made my day. Someone said I had a "glow" about me. That was true. Birthday glow! :-)

A is for Ambition

I have a script that I wrote out all the plot for ansd presented to class today.  Act one is on track, BUT act two and three need mad work.  I have a lot of good ideas and but it needs to be fine tuned.  I got a lot of great feedback form the class so I have a lot to digest and resolve.  I feel so busy from this one class alone, but the end result will be 30-40 pages of script!   Yes, I'm being ambitious, and it it isn't easy for me, but I love a good challenge.  

Thanks Kat.

This is seriously funny!

More SNL Spoofing.

Howling At The Moon

Just getting my ideas on paper, and the questions that I need to ask and answer.  Without these notes I fear I may fail to get my act together on my screenplay.  I can see some weighty elements coming in.  I wonder if the tone of the story will change.  I've got a little bit of the ideas known.   I'm going to type my notes out because sometimes typing them and looking at them gives me the clarity I need to get my ish together.  I have a protagonist, and I have to figure out his wants , needs, and what's at stake.   Busy, busy, busy.

P.S.  I have some references to track down and read. 

Today

I've been tired, but I digress.  Class have started.  The weather has cooled down some.  Thank God.  The heat is overwhelming sometimes.  Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna cook myself walking down the street.  Zyrtec will really work and knock you out.  Classes are going well, but I am nervous.  I still have a pitch to put together, but nothing will gell unless I write it out (duh).   Gonna have oatmeal for brunch.  I'm not playing.  :-) 

Say What: The B-Word

Yes it's time for the B word in my life.  A budget is near.  A brother gots to put some things in persepctive before he finds that he has nothing to show for his hard work.   A budget will helm me be a better person, and know that i can manage my life with clarity, and not at a whim.  Sometimes I feel I'm at the mercty of chance, when i really am in control.  

SNL Opener: This Made Me Laugh!

Yes Ma'am

My Momma told me I had to add a vegetable to my dinner when I told her I was having fried chicken, mac & cheese, and baked potatoes.   LOL  I agreed to add some brocholi to the menu. 

Solange- Sandcastle Disco [OFFICIAL Full Length Music Video]

I like this song. Very happy and breezy. The video is quite playful too.

Thoughts

Have you ever loved yourself enough to make the changes necessary to be successful in your life?   Looked yourself in the mirror and know if you needed to make changes, you simply went about them?  You didn't fuss or complain, you knew what had to be done and took the steps.  I mean get into the trenches and make the hard  decisions for better or worse.   Not out of fear, you see, but out of unconditional love for yourself, and for your own well-being.   Ever think of yourself as more than who you are now,  and you desire to breakthrough  your constraints? 

Don't Blow It Man

I have this wonderful chance to make myself over.  Truly take care of business and I need this chance so bad that I can taste it.  All I can say to myself is "don't blow it."  I don't know where to begin, but I am afraid of blowing it.   So the question that comes to mind as I type this, "just what in the world do I need and want to be a better man?” I feel like I'm gonna fail at helping myself.   The truth is no one can free me but me.   Maybe I should take this one day at a time.

Let It Go

I feel like I'm running on fumes, cause the needle been locked on E a while ago.  Been wandering and wondering around like a lost traveler on a high foggy day.  Let me explain further: Sometimes I simply don't feel like being sensible, and love to have my idiotic moments come to the forefront.

I am so guarded and controlled that I feel like I need some Metamucil for my persona.  Sometimes I don't want to be serious, and so put together like I know everything, and shit's under control.  Sometimes I go spiraling, and I don't have a clue as to how the hell I got there.  Sometimes I get so sensitive and self-conscious that there is rain in the day, and no bliss.

I gotta let go, and take the dive.   Accept that there is risk, loss and gain.  Accept that I can build a better life for myself.   It’s not about my craft or my art.  It’s about me being at peace within myself.  It’s about me releasing all the pains, mistakes, and woes.    I’ve been wrong before.  I’ll be wrong again.  I’ll also be right, and successful, but I have to fortify myself with some spiritual resolve.  

Back In The Saddle

Have to write a statement of purpose for Cinema Studies MA program. I bit nervous, but at the same time feeling I can write something worth reading.   Ever since the dramatic writing department canned my entry, I've wondered about the content of my writing.  It used to be negative reactions and thoughts, but now it's about "do people get what I am writing."

It all leads to the fact that I may not have been the kind of writer the dept was looking for.   I didn't fit a certain mold, if you will.  Never give up though is my motto.  I'm tired of feeling defeated before I get started.    So  I may not be in the dramatic writing department, but the dream of screenwriting lives on in me.  I may write papers on fils, but I will have my concertation in screenwriting.  It just goes to show you that when one door closes another shall open for you.  

Playing With Fire

So I know this chick, and we are so cool together. I found myself thinking about her when I'm not busy with my work, class, and projects. What the hell? This doesn't happen to me every day. When did I start catching something? That ish better not be some feelings I'm catching either. Ok that's the sweet part. What's bitter is that I can clearly see this chica is not going in the same direction I am going. People always tell you who they are, and I can't ignore what I hear and see. Don't want to take the risk because this is playing with fire. Why go down in flames when I already know how the story's going to end? 

As a good friend always says, "keep it moving." That's no lie.   Save those feelings for someone else.  

Cleaing Fool

Nowhere done with the cleaning and I feel tired.  Hauled several bags of trash to the dumpster.  Before I send anything else there I would like to see the trash picked up.  That way I can at least  feel I am not adding to the current pile like I have.   I have one big box left that I am going through, and let me tell you it is insane the way I held on to some of this stuff.  I found a shirt and towel at the bottom of the box.  I've been wondering where they were.  

Desiring to have a soda (Coke mainly), so I will head to the store and purchase a six pack.  I need to purchase some quarters as well so I can wash some clothes, but that won't happen until next weekend.  

P.S.  The bedroom needs vacuuming again.  

The Not So Great Clean Up

So much junk lives in my apartment.  It gets throw it away without too much thought about it.  it's rather exhausing.  I filled a garbage bag with a bunch shreded crap.  Again, I ask myself why I horde this mess.  it was better off being thrown out on the first day.  Like a friend suggested, I should take it and shred it the first day it inters my place.   I think I've done enough for the day through.  

Also, I didn't forget to water my plants, which is Saturday's ritual. 

Clean This Frackin' Apartment

Over the weekend I decided to throw out all of the useless papers in my bedroom.   I threw out two bags worth of crap, and I was shocked by that.  My mind is like "why do I horde this stuff?"  It had to go.   Letting it go felt good.  I vacuumed as well.  The dust content was over the edge.  I was so embarrassed.  I lived like this.  The floor is clean now.  

Last night I cleaned out the fridge, which needs a good scrub down, but I was happy getting the shelves to not look stained.    It truly was a long time coming.  The LR looks like garbage, and I havve a LOT of paper to throw away still, but that's for the weekend.    There is no old food in my fridge, which I like as well.   Talk about embarrassed.  I am the bachelor.  

Oh Yeah!

I got a B in my American Moderns class.   I was rather tired with the whole adventure, but I'm glad I went through with it, and saw it through the end.   I did feel stressed, and frustrated, but it worked itself out.  Praise the Lord.   Now I don't have to look back at all with any regrets.  

Hurricane Alert

There's a hurricane out there that may hit Savannah, GA or SC, so I am twice worried for me and my fam.   If you're out there, please pray that we remain safe.  I'm upset, nervous, and feeling rather alone not that I am, but that's how I feel.   I will keep alert for things like changes in the weather, and I do pray the storm doesn't hit.  

RIHANNA DISTURBIA OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

I love the dark images and lyrics.

Late, Late, Late

I worked on my research paper. I seem to take time at night and work those out like a champ. I suppose. I rewrote the intro paragraph to fit the rewrites I've done. All that can be said is that I am enjoying the writing and the work that goes into writing. It ain't easy, but worth it.

This Weekend

Got a little sidetracked.  Feeling a little bit tired.   Went to bead early last night.  Was going to fall asleep on a movie.  Yes I know I'm tired when I want to watch TV and can't keep my eyes open.   Why fight it, eh?  Did my last step for homework for this week.  Not bad.   Been contemplating some other things as well.  It looks like it's going to pour down rain today.   I need to make sure and get some gas for the ride before I get rained on.  :-(    I will leave home a little earlier so I can avoid the rain. 

I've been plotting and planning a budget because I really need one I can stick to.  I need to finalize it.  I know what I want and wish to get it.  I gotta make things come true for me.  For now I'm getting offline so I can enjoy some quiet time.   I can also write in my notepad while looking at TV.   :-)

I hear thunder.  Y'all gotta go. 

I Need To Write More

This poor blog gets neglected all the time by me, but I feel a need to post here.  Special thanks to Beatty for posting a message to me.   I really needed that.  been working on a research paper, which is consuming and rewarding at the same time.  Made chili for dinner.  Gonna have it with nachos.  Made sweet tea also.

I  made a resolution to not spend a dime of money without first thinking it over, and not impulse buying.  Why?  Because sooner or later if I don't stop my impulse purchasing, I'm gonna hurt myself, and no amount of money can fix the problem if I don't wise up.  So if I plan now I can make my budget far better.  


Wrote out some ideas in word that have been left alone, which i need to at least liberate by printing out. 

Prose Like Poetry

Dare I think or dream of a new short story? In spite of myself, I see visions of new stories. A different flavor for every day of the week with a breaking desire to make all the wonderful dishes. When I write, I say, "This is love. This is passion." How can I make the words sing a song to soothe the heart and soul? I ask myself this every time I write.

Midtempo Day

Today has been on the midtempo side with me not getting my feathers ruffled, which is good. Having a bit of nostalgia with me remembering the cartoon, Blackstar. I so want the 13 episodes, which is on DVD. :-)

It stormed like crazy today with rain everywhere. I loathe to think of being trapped out there. I came to work at the time. The rain came down hard, and the wind was raging like crazy. I know I'm not taking the parkway home tonight. Too much rain and curves in the dark.

Did not work on the research paper, but I swear its going to turn into my thesis paper because I keep researching and adding to it. It's nice to find something worth exploring with a deeper prospect.

I'm off to write something, so later folks.

Updating...

I am working on a paper/project that has taken over most of my free time. I love being wrapped up in it, and I am embarrassed to say that I have not posted on my blog in a while. My blog is important to me so I feel I should write more here and not on the LJ. I may repost what I wrote there, but I like for this blog to have fresh content.

Another Sick Story

Am I ill, or am I def (not deaf). Another sick idea crossed my mind and I jotted it down on paper. Whose to say it will go anywhere, but I need to explore my options like it's my last day on Earth. None of us are guaranteed anything for tomorrow.

To my Family: I love y'all for better or worse we're all we've got.

To my friends: I love y'all as well. Thanks for being there for me as well.

Don't Give A Damn

It's how I feel now when I explore my thoughts/ideas that are quirky, like me. There was a time when I would reject such ideas. They weren't mainstream. I felt that they were (sometimes) vulgar, and it mattered to me 100% what people thought about me. I so wanted to belong. I killed my individuality. That angel in the room got a lot of millage out of this.

Now that I don't fear approach or that someone labels me odd for having offbeat thoughts I feel free to explore my mind. Go to the corners I felt embarrassed to visit. Pull out the ideas that stand out in my mind as worth doing. perverting any idea I may have used in the past that's not working for me. I need to have my works produced and published. If people get pissed or offended. Fine. part of writing is rejection. part of me doesn't want to know fame, but notoriety.

One day my quirky stories will become mainstream. It will be time to pass the torch.

Don't get me wrong. Not all I write will be fit for print/production, but to get to the good ideas, I have to love me, and not allow outside sources to shape my thoughts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

To my Bro and niece. Y'all are too special to me. You just don't know how I loves ya to pieces. :-)

Back To Some Basics

Sometimes I stress too much and don't write. Sometimes I stress and write. Sometimes I have stress and stress writing. I see a pattern, and I'm in the mood to break out of my funk. I need to type something. I need to feel my creative spirit. it needs to be with me. Star crossed lovers we are. Something like that. Soul-mated or just destined to stay together.

Hello Story Points

For those not in the know, when writing scripts a beat sheet (catching the "beats" of the story) will help you lay down the bones to your script. There's a short film I have been working on for a while and the beat sheet helped me nail down some ideas that were nagging the hell outta me. It has a lot of things that need resolving, however, the bare bones are down. There are a few more pieces of criteria to supply, but I think that will it as far as completion. Afterwards there will be a "cooling off" period which helps divorce the mind from the project, and then it can be addressed with new eyes.

BTW during the "cooling off" period will be the best time to start another beat sheet for another writing project. There will lots of cooling down. This is Beat sheet for project # 2 BTW. I hope to have 4-6 beat sheets by the end of summer quarter. At least during the break between summer and fall quarter I can develop some work. Furthermore, during the fall break the goal is to write nonstop.

Let me add each project has its own complexities, which makes it a little tricker. For example, the first project consisted of a beat sheet for four episodes. The second project is a short film and all three acts are covered. Project three will cover three issues of a sitcom, and project four will cover four episodes of a different program. The episode-based stories have three acts per episode (more work). Project five will likely be another short film, and project six will either be a feature film.

Divided

Part of me wants to maintain the energy this blog has and keep it going forever. The other part of me likes the raw uncensored version of me that can't be on a public blog. I can't reconcile them as I like the direction and this blog is my home. I would like to improve the focus of the writing, and will likely be focusing more on my creative endeavors, as well as my observations on life, and what i deem to be entertainment.

Little Jackie - The World Should Revolve Around Me

Cause Imani's music rocks. :-)

Empowered I

This image has a companion (male) piece that if I uncover , will post an image of. I never finished this, as the face is left incomplete. Still there's some hidden power the figure has, and I still like looking at it. I should do a series based on them. Still, the counterpart must be found so I can compare and contrast them. I need to see where I could take the figures. She strikes me as raw emotion and not vulnerable at all. Like she's empowered in spite of me putting details on her.

And Now Kind Sir, Where We Go From Here?

It's time to delve deeper into the the craft of fiction writing. I want to be able to stop improvising (passive), and taking the driver's seat of writing (active). There are some things I need to have to feel better about writing in any genre, and any medium. First things first. Improv writing is ok for a draft , but not the final product. Second, I need to know why I am writing this story, and what I want to say with it. More control in technique and content must be at the forefront. Needless to say there is a lot of work to do, but I'm not mad about that. It's who I am, and what I do.

BET pt2(BLACK EXPLOITATION TELEVISION)

Twice is a charm.

BET (BLACK EXPLOITATION TELEVISION)

Because it doesn't pull the punches. :-)

Art on My Wall: Means More Than a Pretty Picture

I love my wall. it has a lot of the art you see on these blog posts, except the nekkid people. I know that would be a conversation set if I did, and am tempted to make it so. My mother would leave the room. Nude male and female models on my wall? Several of my art unfriendly family would leave and call me a pervert and gay behind my back, They likely may, since I am too mysterious for my own good. Who gives a damn. I can't live my life for them.

This is a corner piece of my wall and I love this image. The first is Conte crayon. I did this in Drawing I, as I remember. I was struggling so BAD! LOL That's why I tell people never give up on your dreams and goals. Here's why: My prof, Jon Michel, was HARD and a master artist. I was sure I was failing his class. OMG drawing I was TOUGH as chewing nails. People don't know, but to have a serious drawing professor, and to make so many errors and want to get better then make MORE errors felt so heavy. Drawing I was a superior struggle. Jon does not let you off the hook either. Get back there and work at that image and resolve the issues damn it. I got an "A" out of the class BTW, but I paid my dues and I worked and worked.

The second smaller images is mixed media. Watercolor background and color pencil drawings. if there is a weakness to this images, I would say it is that I didn't do enough of them. Still it started off with some mystery figures that I loved. I should get my watercolors from Charleston, and do some new pieces. I can control the watercolors better. They are lesss messy, and I can have some pleasure when I'm not working or doing classwork.

He Has My Face...Sorta

It started off as a self-portrait, but I got bored and changed the game. He became someone else. It could have used a lot of work, but I liked playing with the oil on canvas more than I gave attention to the form. This face paintings have a folksy vibe to them. I rather like it. The blue in the background is one of my fave colors.

Visage

She looks so annoyed. I can't remember what I was thinking when I drew this. So much raw emotion. Don't remember if I posted this one before. Still it speaks to me in a cool, understated way. It's partly in her eye and the glow she has.

The Watercolor That Never Came to Be/The Kiss of Death

This drawing (pencil) is on over sized watercolor paper. Obviously it was meant to be colored, however, I liked the drawing so much I decided to leave it as is. My professor also agreed that it should be left alone.

The picture is also edited, as it is a full frontal male nude, which I was told is the "kiss of death" to any artwork meant to be sold. I rarely draw or paint to sell, and fail to think commercially with my art (I so need to sell out one day). It doesn't matter to me, I just like to show my work. I do however have to contend with the fact that this IS the internet, and my rated G blog doesn't need the heat cranked for all the WRONG reasons.

Still I may change my mind and dare to go bare for the sake of my creations. Some of them are NOT being shown because they are frontal nudes. I wonder if that can be resolved in any way.

Self-Portrait

Very folksy image here, and I wish I worked more on the nose of the figure. It has a passing resemblance to yours truly, but I can't say I put the effort to interpret me proper. In a way it reminds me of my Dad more than me. Not for the lack of a nose, but the quickest impression is that its him I see when I look at this. it sits on my wall, and looks older than I do. It's an oil painting on canvas, BTW.

I Drew This

Playing with color seems to be a hallmark of mine. I think most can tell. I simply don't want to color within the lines. I admit I don't like the figure's color choices., but I still like the image. The colors give it a strength, but I'm missing something here.

More Art: Untitled

With these two guys I played with the watercolors. Fortunately my brush strokes loosened some. The color varies , which I love. The photo is brighter than the original. I tried to adjust it in Photoshop and got some results, but not as good as the original.

S'more Art:

Did this one in pencil first then colored it with markers. I should have turned this into a woodcut as I love the image. It's all about the lines here.

Writing Results

It's been a rather smooth day. people are being cool, and the day has a rather ok vibe to it. Taking my break to post, and noticing that I should post something other than art. Like some text. LOL The writing exercise at the RAG workshop is going good. proud of Shisho for her contributions because I know she wanted her story finished. Now she has a first draft. Promised her a view of an old script so I better get that done while I'm on break.

My Art: The Look

Another fine print from a metal etching plate. It's called "the Look," and it again comes from my printmaking class. I like the simplicity of the figures. The top one was inspired by a Tim Sale drawing I saw, I forgot where the bottom image was inspired from. Needless to say I wanted the portraits together.

My Art: The Figure

He seems to glow with the red and gold colors. No? I drew the model out on Conte Crayon, then colored with pastel. It isn't a Stacy piece without some dynamic movement and color. I kinda ignored the shading on the figure properly, but love the eletric buzz this figure has. Sometimes I have to go with my instincts instead of logic.

Parody and Satire

According to Mirriam-Webster, a parody is: 1 : a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule

Likewise they list satire as: 1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn 2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly.

I like these two terms.

My Art: Hello Egypt

The one with the blue background is mixed media. Watercolor background, and color pencils for the figure of Nefertiti. Yes it has errors, but I still love it. Note the figure pops out from the background. The first picture is pastel, and not I blend some, and some of the colors simply are laid on top. I should have blended the lightness on the face a lot more. Still the colors speak to where I was going with my art.

My Art: Go Jump in a Lake

Never mind that this is a pond, and it seems to bee too shallow. This was a Conte Crayon sketch that I was for a major pastel or color pencil drawing. The raw idea still intrigues me. What I am missing is levels. Levels to the depth of water and space. I love a raw idea.

My Art:

This is my first stab at watercolors. I think I posted it before. I may post another image later. I have to run some errands. I remember I was working like it was oil paints. LOL I so wanted to call this painting "Kiss My Ass," but thought it to rude. Use your imagination. ;-)

Sardonic

According to Merriam-Webster, "sardonic" is: disdainfully or skeptically humorous : derisively mocking. Sounds like me.

REPOST: My Art-Akhenaten

Pastel drawing while I was on my Egypt influence kick. This is Pharaoh Akhenaten. As the title states this is a repost. I simply want my art to have a concentration of images this month of posting. I may repost more.

My Art: Diva

Don't know if I posted this one before, but she's one of my "divas" for a lack of a better word. These divas don't give me attitude, but have their own. She has her own personality. I've been doing a lot of "bust" style drawing and paintings. This one is an oil painting on gessoed watercolor paper. Something about a soft, cool blue against a crimson background feels right.

Special Thanks to the Ladies I Know

I'd like to take this post and thank some of the awesome lady friends I've come to meet and know. They've had much more influence than they know, and they deserve a great shout out. If I miss your name don't take it as neglect. I am truly blessed.

J. My homegirl. Love ya boo. OMG she is on point with her life, career, and goals. If I never say it, you should know that you're one of the brightest, talented, and confident women I know. I wanna grow up and be like you because you have willed success to come your way. That's what I'm talking about.

Aggie, my fellow Libra in crime. Your wit is a blessing, and you keep me in stitches. I love reading your lj, and you have some truly fantastic ideas. You also have a lot of talent and we have yet to see your range. I for sure want to say more. Also any woman who loves comics is like 10 times super sexy to me. If I ever become a producer/editor/whatever, I'm recruiting you, just so you know. You're gonna make people snape their necks turning pages of your books. They should be doing that already. You're a hottie.

Shisho, my fellow trickster. You have mad skills and the desire to try new ideas as well. I love that you are willing to explore your talents and not be intimidated by sharing. The truth is you have mad talent, and your shyness is mere what all good writers feel. If you were a bad writer you'd be trying to hock your work on everyone, and be unable to accept criticism of any form. We know you're not a bad writer. Prada Swan is your best creation. U know it too. U go girl! Also your posts are reading goodness.

Lao Girl. Come out of hiding. ;-) I love your playfulness, and while your posts are text heavy, I must say I understand a lot of them. You also have some keen ideas/POV. I can't let you get away.

Kat, or should I say Most Honored Kat. *bows* Thanks for being my friend, and being so kind. It makes you more adorable and loved. You're a superstar, yet down to Earth. You're the most sensible woman on YABS, so i know you're good. That's how I know you're cool. Keep on keeping on. Also "Stupid Kat Tricks" give me joy. Another shy writer. I so want a peek at the novel.

Beatty. Where are you? LOL You and Nicole got me into blogging, and I miss ya when you're not here. Keep on keeping on. I'll catch you on Myspace.

Nicole. My sister I love your posts. Your writing is clear with bouts of humor. You got me into blogging. Love you for that.

There are a lot more ladies in my life, but like I said, don't think it neglect. I simply could make this a mile long post. Know that you're loved and appreciated for the good you bring my way. I wish you many blessings and happiness.

My Art: Cyclops or Hera?

This image my prof at the time, John Michel, called her the "cyclops," and I kinda see her as Hera, since there are multiple eyes in the image. It's a very simple drawing in pastel, which I love. I am very satisfied with the level of colors I was able to use. I believe these are soft pastels. She looks a little contemplative and mysterious.

What's Fifteen Minutes a Day?

Do you know it takes four minutes to save the world? You can have six minutes of pleasure, or make a meal in 30 minutes. What can I do with 15 minutes besides have a scandal?

What shall I fill my life with today? I've been contemplating my future successes, and it appears to me that I do a LOT of dreaming, and too little doing. This means if I took 15 minutes and wrote something, then I will have least did something worthy with that time. Handwritten, or typed, it'd be nice to say I took the time to do something worthy of my time. Something to think about.

My Art III: From My Sketchpad

I like the angular lines I created. Very geometric. Again, simple and clean. I love how this turned out. It's drawn in Conte Crayon. Can't remember what inspired it, but I did another profile face, and that one is rougher. Will post that one later. Right now I am simply loving this one. BTW I have a very small sketchbook where I should take some pics to show the tribal style drawings I did.

My Art: Utitled

This pastel drawing sat in my sketchbook for the longest. When I saw it the other day while cleaning up, I fell in love with it. It speaks to me with a quiet power that reminds me that sometimes a simple image can be complex as I wonder what he is thinking. I get caught up in the colors and the movement of the pastel strokes. Enchanting.

4, 3, 2, 1, *

Another Stacy math formula. With six months left of this trying year I decided that there are a few writing projects I need to get off the ground and completed. I have been lazy and made many excuses, but I need to get off of my duff and work for what I love. No man should put his passions on a back burner. Who is going to work as hard as I do on my own projects if I don't put the effort into them?

Each number represents a different medium with the least being the most infrequent (but still loved and worth a shot). Below is what I came up with.

4 Short Stories.
3 Film and television projects (1 short, 1 TV show, 1 film).
2 Novels (six chapters each).
1 Comic book limited series.

*Blog/lj posts and CSI: YABS does not count

My Art II: Untitled

Didn't know what to call this one. At the time I drew this I was influenced by Asian culture. I also began experimenting with markers, which kinda has pros and cons, but I like the end result. I dare say the varying lines of color are the strongest and movement of the colors is pushing the visual further than the actual drawing.

My Art: Climbing

Went through a few things and found this etching I did in Barbara Duval's Printmaking I class. I rather like this image (Climbing). It feels very simple yet personal, delicate, and emotional as I view it now, after a while. I have several more images to post over the coming weeks, so stick around, you may see some more. I have many pastels, paintings and prints to show.

*Still wonders if he should post the nudes*

Sunshine, Rainbows, & Lollipops

My friends tell me that I am a source of encouragement. I try to be optimistic because life is so rough sometimes. Lord knows there are days when I'm down, but I have a few rules I'd like y'all to keep in mind.

1. Change is already here!
2. No more drama!
3. Have some faith in yourself.

On Writing

After Art Criticism, I have learned a few tricks, and one of them is looking at strengths and weaknesses. It has become an asset that I do like. After writing an artist biography and statement and seeing the grade criteria for both, I found an interesting self-analysis of myself as a writer I’ve decided to post. Bear with me as I wrote this in third person.

Strengths:

• The writer has a strong grasp on the technical bones of writing. He can format a research paper/script/short story effortlessly.
• The writer knows how to construct arguments and prove them in his research papers.
• The writing style adjusts to certain formats stronger. The writer works in poetry, prose, scripts, blog entries and research formats (MLA, APA, etc.).
• The writer is willing to experiment in style to yield new results. Example: blending poetic writing with prose & blog entries.
• The writer uses highly imaginative diction in poetic style.
• The writer has a tangible sense of humor that comes through in his scripts
• The writer experiments with his scripting style.
• The writer loves writing.
• The writer has a simple, breezy style of writing for his blog, making it easy to read.

Weaknesses

• The writer is sometimes too technical in his fiction, which makes them resemble research papers.
• The writer sometimes does not make the emotional connection to his fiction characters, which holds them back.
• The writer should relax more when writing: He needs to dispel the audience from his head, as he seems more concerned with formal/technical aspects than the story.
• The writer does not focus on a body of work, but instead shifts from project to project, creating a disjointed body of work.

Suggestions:

• The writer should follow his instincts more, and worry less about the audience.
• Try making an emotional connection to the characters.
• The writer should focus on a project and see it to completion publication.
• Keep experimenting in styles to produce different results may shake audience out of head.
• Continue writing.

FYI

I want y'all to know that you already have the tools to survive, thrive , and succeed in this world. You have the strength and the power. Sometimes it takes a while to see and feel it. The Lord has laid this power out for you, so don't despair. You will succeed. Its already within your reach.

Writing Fool

My pals and I have a writing exercise that I am very happy to get into, so this post will be brief. I have an idea I am kicking myself for not starting last night. I did jot down some notes, so I have them today, but I have a clear scene in my mind's eye and should have wrote it on the spot. Well know better, do better. I gots to learn to follow my instincts. Best wishes to Shisho and Aggie. I am so looking forward to what you come up with.

Transgressional Fiction

After discussing Fight Club at YABS and on Corrina’s LJ, I decided to look the book up (as I never read the book or seen the movie), but came across the term Transgressional Fiction. By definition of the genre, I found the protagonist’s plight very compelling, and found myself identifying with the concepts and protagonist situations. It opens a door to thinking actively about what and how I write I also came across literary minimalism, which is something I have been using but unaware of it as well.

This is not to call myself a transgressive writer, but it gives me a point to bounce off of. Have anybody else found a genre that “hooked” you more than you realized?

No More Drama

I've decided that no more drama is the way I should live my life. Family Affair by Mary J. Blige is my new theme song. We got to live our lives like they mean something outside of someone else's expectations.
----------------
Now playing: Mary J. Blige - Family Affair
via FoxyTunes

Shrinkage

I noticed I have been doing less and less posts of my blog. I need to rededicate myself to writing and posting proper. I have been doing multiple duties and being back in class with papers, and side projects has stopped me big time. I have been writing still, so for those who read don't be upset. i hope to post more during the break and this weekend.

Today...

Today is feel good day. I am making it so. In spite of the hectic pace of the week, class, and working, I am still optimistic. I have to work at being happy I would work twice as hard. I need to clean my apartment. Life is too short to be caught up in BS. Life can be better. I will make it better.

Still writing, and plugging away at stories. Y'all know I don't give up. Working and working. Sometimes I wonder what it's all for then i realize that it will be better in the long run. No one knows what life can bring.

Naked Heart

A clever thought dawns upon me. My muse sings like a caged bird now free after years of captivity. The flow of creativity bursts like a dam from an overflowing river. The touch of electric insanity has visited and exited me once again. She's that old lover come to play again. Come to take me through my dark times. She is my friend. Like Prometheus she has given me fire. Before her touch, creativity was like wading through thick, thick fog, with my mind telling you there's a wall for me to crash into. We rode the river Styx together. Drifting aimlessly, awaiting a reprieve. Caution gives me electric impulses to my spine and skin, as fear overrides my senses. Were this Pandora's box, it would be wide open. All sorts of thoughts have been let loose unto the world, but not by accident. Were this my own heart, you would see it naked, proud, beautiful, unashamed.

Who Am I?

I am many things, dear readers, but the one thing I know for sure is that I am a man who likes to have good laughs, and loves make people laugh. It tickled me to make my friends laugh over some stories I didn't think anyone would think funny (I wrote with no expectations). I kept up with thew same vein over and over, and it has worked so well. The results have been positive. I want to keep these great feelings. I want to make others happy, and by extension myself. God willing I will keep writing in the same vein, and try to get some of the things I do published and produced.

Once again, thanks to all those who enjoyed my stories. God willing, I will make you laugh until you wet your pants. Yeah, I want to be that good.

Pretty so Pretty.

Another one from Mom's garden. I like it, but it was so bright outside that you lose some of the details from the image. Still a wonderful moment in time. I've fallen in love with it again.

Can I Has Mood Upswing!

more cat pictures

Artist Statement and Biography

I have to write one for class. You know, as a man with a blog I ironically find it hard to talk about myself and my craft. For my own sake, I'll get it together. It's quite a learning experience though. What does writing mean to me? I suspect the bio part will be simpler, but don't hold me to that. it's all due on Monday. The max is ten pages. For me an artist statement over one page is very pretentious. I'm not ready for the glowing praises of me written by me, typed by me, as read by me. Self-discovery and sharing I'm down for.

5

I promised myself five sentences today, so I need to get on top of things. Got up for class, was horribly uncoordinated. I don't know what i was thinking, or perhaps I have a lack of thinking. Class participation was minimal until my professor noticed and called on me. I was busted. Fortunately I had an answer after resisting being called upon. Anywhoo, I tried to get a nap when I got home cause work was going to be long in my wonderful haze of a day. Barely got any z's.

Observation

Ii decided to experiment with my writing style and create a short prose story that was more poetic in its narrative. This is a sexy change from my more breezy style. I wanted a break away that was uniquely a blend of my poetry skills. I gets lots of comments on the poetry, but it doesn't really sell. Here's what I noticed: In spite of it being experimental, I kept trying to edit it to make it regular prose. It's experimental fiction!!! How quickly I forgot. I am breaking my comfort zone. Gonna keep it experimental. Gonna keep it flowing like it does. Did I mention its an erotic story? Yes it is. Mind you, not a single dirty word can be found in this prose.

Let It Go

Forgive the crassness of this post but I think its time I let it all go. let the bullshit fall away and only deal with where I am now. I'd like to now stay in the past but move towards a future that is prosperous. This means letting go of old crap, and working on my life as the focus. it's about what I need and want without feeling like I don't deserve happiness or success. Why else work or be productive?

Graduate school is a transition. I shall move on soon enough.

Naked Thoughts

1. Do I really need someone to tell me how to feel?
2. Am I afraid of my own potential?
3. What really matters in life?
4. Who really matters in life?
5. What can I do with?
6. What can I do without?
7. Is anything sacred?
8. Who and what do I respect?
9. What are my thoughts on life and the world?
   
10. Do I have what it takes to be proactive in my life and how do I plan to get there?
    

Who Am I?

I have to write a biography and an artist statement for class. Therefore I need an answer to the question. I pose it to myself now and hope I will have an answer to it soon. Sounds uncomplicated? I don't even know why I write? I just do things. I'm tired of being a template. What can I do on my own? A Brother got to work things out. So I ask myself again, "who is Stacy R. Haynes, and what is he about?"

Can I Get Real For A Moment: Part 1

NOTE: Proactivity the key to success. Creativity is the guide. Bear with me please. Some transitions are worth the wait.

It's another Sunday, and I've been feeling pretty introspective of late. In the midts of so many thoughts, I wonder what I want in this life (and the next). Been wondering why I was put on this Earth, and why I've gone through the experiences that I have. Why am I here? Why now? Why this night? My reality is evolving. I'm delighted and scared. There is no set in stone guide to my life. I've been praying and thinking. Lord help me, because I do feel lost a lot.

It's not tangible. I feel it. I feel sometimes that I'm out of touch with my own welfare and happiness.

I don't want to bore anyone but I'd like to get past where I am, which is this feeling of living in a transitional period. This is a place where I feel stuck in the tar. I want to pull free and change the flow of my life. I want to stop feeling so limited in life, limited in finances, limited in all the choices and actions I have in life. Don't wanna wake up another day and feel like I'm struggling, when I should be shining like a star in the heavens.

Sometimes I feel divided by my thoughts, and the world. I feel that schism like a tight wire, binding us all to the same path.

I sometimes don't hear myself think. I'm not being fair to myslef, and I need to pray that my eyes and spirit open to my life and my world because a moment of pure awreness is worth a lifetime. If y'all don't know or can't follow me, I can only say I know that if I ever site "destiny" or "fate" in any train of thought, I've got to be on top of that game. There's a calmness, and a strenght that comes with awareness.

It was not my destiny to merely struggle for success. Why can't every day be a great day? I wanna be happy, and I want to share my happiness with others. I want to take care of myself, and my loved ones. I don't want to feel conflicted all the time.

Share the Laughter

It's been a while since I wrote something, anything about my life. I have been doing well. Been working on feeling better about life, and the hand I am dealing with. I know I am blessed, and I can endure the hardships, so I refuse to let sadness take me over. I have learned to laugh, and have gotten people to laugh, so I want to push humor. Give humor a chance. Let that smile shine through, because if you can forget your woes for a moment, then we have something good. I have got to share the laughter.

Things I Think About

I want to get in shape. A friend told me about this gym that's not too far from my apt. I'll join when i get the $ because in shape is something I've been thinking about. not interested in loosing x amount of pounds. I'd like to be that guy who could clime stairs without feeling that's a workout. I also want to learn portion control with foods. Something I have a hard time with when I cook.

Tonight's meal is veggie rice, chicken breast slices, sweet corn and broccoli. I''ll have the same for tomorrow.

Rainbow. Sunshine, & Lolipops

The works has been kind for a few days and I refuse to complain, so I say that I need to enjoy the days of happiness God has sent me, because after feeling so woes, I can tell you that the joy feels better. So yes, I do have some color in my life, moreso than usual. Don't let my happiness fool you, the world is in such a state of depression. I'm not blind to the world. It's not a pretty place to be outside your door sometimes. I wish there was a way to share some happiness. I think I know how. If I can get people to laugh, I will have done a good thing. To my CSI:YABS pals I'm starting with you. :-)

Ever Have A Gut Feeling...

I have this feeling I will "fall" into the publishing industry. As to what form, I don't know, but I will be in publishing.

Don't Trip

I've been kinda on a road with a lot of speed bumps this week. It's been most annoying, as I seem to not be able to get certain steps in order. I completely forgot my car tax was due today and to my embarrassment realized it needed to be done today before any late penalties can be added. So I realize I can pay it today, and add this to yet another round of things that have messed with my head.

Today though, I've come to work with a smile. I''m not mad, I'm not irritated. I feel better than I did earlier. Now I'm left to wonder what has got me feeling so good. Did I mention I'm alittle tired, and I want some chocolate? Cause I do.

Deal With It!

I realized that I am so off the track in my thinking that I decided to write something with an absurd point. Something about trying to not be so deep and introspective makes me happy. I like being silly. Can't deal. I feel for you. Not really.

A Thicker Hide To Kiss

I’ve come to the conclusion, that me writing can be very vulnerable. When I break it down, with my true writings, thoughts/concepts, I feel naked, embarrassed, and ashamed. I feel a whole lot dirty, guilty, and my thoughts, they sometimes excite and frighten me. The endless possibilities and concepts that lay hidden in my head stay untold because I keep holding back.

As an artist, I have to open up to release my inhibitions so that I may express my ideas with confidence and clarity. I must stop worrying about what people may or may not think.

How can I know what’s on everyone’s mind? How can everyone’s thoughts be so important to me? I don’t know everyone, and I don’t always agree with the people I know. What makes me fear my own thoughts?

True writing for me is me writing with no audience in mind. It’s all about me getting my thoughts out on paper. Release the muse. Be free of all that constrains me.

I ask these questions, because I feel the next step is to take that leap of faith.

I suppose I don’t want to be labeled as something or someone who may or may not be deviant. I don’t want to be that freak that people thumb their nose at. I can’t stand people passing judgment. I don’t want to be hated, or so loved I’m precious as glass. I don’t want to be feared or misunderstood. Mind you, it happens all the time in my life.

So I need a thicker hide for those to kiss who have something negative to say.

Because a Conversation with Cuttermike is Awesome! Part 3

Cuttermike's response (AKA the good stuff):

Just reminding you of what you already knew.

Back when I was in art school, I had a special projects "class" where I would work on stuff for a week or two and then bring it in in a batch for a one-on-one with one of the professors.

Usually, my drawings tend to be very tight, with a very wiry sort of line, but there was this one down near the bottom of the stack where I had just been playing around. I only included it, really, because I liked it BECAUSE it was so different (and because I didn't feel that I had a tall-enough stack to justify the past couple of weeks).

So the prof gets to the bottom of the stack and says, "Now THIS is what I've been talking about for the past two years! This is what I've been waiting to see, when you just let it all go! I KNEW you could do it and you never did! Why? Were you afraid of failing?"

And without thinking about it I just exploded:

"NO!!! I am NOT afraid of failure!! I'm afraid of SUCCESS, because if you can do it ONCE people expect you to be able to DO IT ALL THE TIME AND I DON"T NEED THAT KIND OF PRESSURE and I need to go away somewhere right now and think about what I just said."

So, yeah, boyo; been there, done that...

Because a Conversation with Cuttermike is Awesome! Part 2

My Response:

You're absolutely right. I knew it, and I don't often see it when I really need to.

I've been told that I have a comedy routine that should be on stage as well. I tell people I have huge stage fright, because I know that's how all the jokes will lose their potency. I am too self-conscious. My writing tends to go the same way (stage fright), except the poetry. Poetry tends to flow for me.

The only reason I am funny is I don't think about being funny, or having fun. I do love being silly, and having people laugh.

I should evaluate all my writings (blog as well).

P.S. Thanks. BTW.