This Is Me…Smiling

Life throws so many things my way and sometimes I am nowhere as near as proactive about my own self as I need to be. I can very laxed and breezy about somethings. In effect, I can be on the flaky side of making decisions. This is neither a pity party or a sad posting, but a posting of my own self-affirmation and maturity. I will not, allow myself to feel miserable about the things I can change. I do want to go on the record as saying that as a man, I make many mistakes, and I am writing to express my intent to make myself a better man. What does that take to make me a proactive man? I am working on that.

Let me say that for a long time I had this fear than I couldn’t be happy if I put effort or structure in my life. I kept feeling that it was a boring routine and I would get nothing from a routine. Well, that was a silly idea on my part. A routine gives a person a structure and balance in their lives. To have a balance allows a person (myself) to see all the options and weigh them on a just scale. Also, this removes a lot of the fear and anxiety that I carry within myself.

I have to get grounded, and fill my mind with meaningful activities. Not like I’m on drugs, but laziness is a drug too. I’m not suggesting that I work myself to nothing, but I need my goals to be seen in front of me. I don’t want to romance ideas anymore, but have goals I can touch and feel. I don’t want the impossible, but I want success.

Mellowness? I will always have that. It is a strong tool, but I need to temper it with my proactive abilities. I need to feel I am in control of everything I do, and not leave situations to chance, and hope they feel better.

I also need to make sure I stop worrying about the lesser things, and punishing myself for not being perfect. Nothing is perfect. We all make mistakes, and I want to be happy. I want to have love for myself, and I don’t want to suffer because I couldn’t be flexible, or I feed of former ideas.

Here’s what I know for sure: I am a great idea man. I am extremely creative. I know my ideas are sometimes off-kilter, and unique, but that’s a great strength. It’s a beautiful talent. I believe in me, and I want others to see what I see. I want to be successful and happy with myself. I want to grow spiritually and physically. I want to mature past who I was, and become the brother who doesn’t have to watch Cribs and wish for what others have. I don’t want to worry about what other people think.

The seed has already been planted, the soil is great, and its time to thrive, come whatever the weather is about. This is me smiling, because my goal of being my own man is here now. I’ve claimed it, and now is the time to enjoy life.

I want to thank all my family and friends for influencing me. I also want to thank all those who stood against me. It has only made me a stronger man. I have this saying, “I will break free of all that constrains me.” Its been me holding me back all this time. That’s over with. I am unlimited; I am worthy of all that I aspire to. I learn and grow through all my experiences. There is no more second-guessing my life. I’m driving, and that’s final!

Peace & love.