I thought I would never post this. I'm rather embarrassed, and consider myself to be very vulnerable about this topic, but I think it's worth it. Please bear with me. If anything, I hope to purge the negativity from my mind, body, & soul.
Today I was talking with one of my students, and showed her the scant amount of art on my blog. She's a painting MFA major. I am contemporary writing. I wanted to get into painting, but was rejected, along with 6 or 7 other colleges. I was not made for the academic painting MFA program, or they were not progressive enough for me. Either way that crushed my spirit. I really took that to heart.
I showed my student some of the graphic design work I did. She said to me, "you don't have to work at the library, you can get a better job." She's right. If I believe I am a great writer & an artist, why not a web designer? Why don't I see myself for who I am?
Only a few people know this, but as a child, while in school, I was told constantly I was "stupid," and "not worth anything." Coupled with being 100% uncool, I really became who teachers and peers said I was. I felt stupid, in spite of reading literature, mythology, and comics as a child. It goes on, but I prefer not to dredge it all up. Needless to say, preteen, and teen years were AWFUL.
Somewhere inside my heart I still feel unworthy in spite of knowing and living contrary to what they said. I have to find a way to get over all the BS people put on me, because I know I'm not that person, and they were wrong.
How much change can I make for myself. I really need to see myself as I really am, and not hold onto the bad perceptions.
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