Sometimes I lack faith in myself. I have lacked so much faith that if I were an observer, I would think I was watching a man self-destructing. Emphasis on the "self" part. There are so many crisis situations I have made myself. Cleaning up the messes is rough, since I beat myself up in the process of not being perfect. Self-criticism is a crude coping tool. In my mind I am outlawing it.
I need to get over all my fears and doubts. At the very least put them in a very small box, and let them know I'm not living on my fears. Sometimes I need to belive that I can make my way through advestiy. I don't want adversity to be all I have. I want to be happy, and I want to be free of all the negativity and drama that surrounds me. God as my witness, I will no longer live like I thrive off of chaos and insecurities. There must be something more real I can hold onto, and not loose myself.
I want to belive that no matter how hard things get in life, I will finbd a solution through the hard work and efforts I have put into my life. I want to belive that I don't have to be perfect, that I simply need to focus on being an individual, with thoughts and emotions I can own up to. I want to be the man who handles all his affairs in such a way that denotes my professionalism in all that I do. i want to have room to make mistackes, and accept that I can improve myself withing reason. I want to break my comfort zone, which while of my own creation, is a beautiful prison i have locked myself into.
It takes a lot to be a good man in this world/society/lifetime.
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